Arranging a funeral/resting place Sam Weller Finding a person and place to hold the funeral service and somewhere to lay your loved one to rest can be a daunting task, practically and emotionally. Below is an overview and some suggestions of places to start.

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Liaising with the cemetery or crematorium Someone to take the service

Somewhere to hold the service Ashes

Churchyards and cemeteries

Contact with the cemetery and crematorium is usually handled by the funeral director, if you're using one - they'll book a time for the service and committal (burial), for example, arrange for the grave to be dug if required and deal with paperwork. There's less chance of confusion if all the arrangements are made by one person. Funeral directors will even cover the cost of these services and pass the charges on to you, under the heading of 'disbursements', on the invoice.

The funeral director will also pass essential information from you to other service providers. You'll need to give the details to the funeral director, with instructions to pass them on.

If you or your loved one have had a personal relationship with a priest of a given religion, you might like to discuss the content of the service with them in some depth. Consultation with a trained, sympathetic person while you're planning the service can be a comfort and help the bereaved through the grieving process.

If you choose a humanist service, an officiant from the British Humanist Association will make a point of talking to you in order to produce a service relevant to the individual concerned.

There's no obligation to engage a funeral director. You should be able to deal directly with the cemetery or crematorium management, or the clergy person if interment is in a churchyard, if you wish. (You might also like information on non-Christian funerals.) Even if you're using a funeral director, it's a good idea to visit before the event.

Once you've seen the venue for the service, you might decide you want to remove some religious symbols or introduce others. You might decide you'd like the seating rearranged, for example, to suit disabled or infirm mourners. Check with the person in charge of the venue first.

You can scatter or bury ashes, either at a favourite place or in a garden of remembrance - or if you prefer, you can keep them.

Under UK law ashes can be taken abroad, but check before you do so as some countries have strict rules on the importation of ashes.

Whatever you decide, make sure you tell the crematorium what you plan to do with the ashes. If no instructions are received the ashes will eventually be scattered, which will of course be a problem if you later decide you want to bury them.

Churchyards operate differently from cemeteries, most of which are run by local authorities, though some are privately owned.

Any parishioner has a right to burial in the churchyard, whatever their religion. The Church of England, however, views the churchyard as the setting for the church building and prefers memorials to harmonise with the surroundings. It also requires that inscriptions and designs should reflect a Christian attitude.

Cemeteries have regulations intended to maintain a uniform appearance and ease of maintenance, but generally they allow more freedom of choice of design, material and inscription. Some cemeteries allow you to select the location of a grave, although others have a strict policy of allocating them in sequence.

You should check with both churches and cemeteries that the type of memorial you want is allowed.