Memorials and living tributes Sam Weller Many people choose a traditional gravestone, but there are all sorts of alternative memorials available. Sam Weller reviews the options.

In this article

Lawn memorials The need for security

Cremation memorials Trees and plants

Donations

The most common type of memorial is an upright slab set on a narrow plinth with a hole to hold a flower vase. This style, known as a lawn memorial, was introduced in the 1950s and 1960s.

It's well suited to the lawn sections in big cemeteries that are designed so that a motorised lawnmower can drive between the rows for easy upkeep. The huge majority of memorials installed in the past 40 years have followed this style.

Unfortunately, lawn memorials don't generally have in-depth foundations. This means they're inherently unstable. The result has been an increasing number of injuries from toppling memorials. Burial authorities, who are responsible for safety on their land, sometimes lay down or remove wobbly stones, and many are drawing up new regulations for future installations.

If you're buying a lawn memorial make sure it's going to be installed securely

If you're buying a lawn memorial make sure it's going to be installed securely and will stay that way for a considerable time. You don't want to have it removed after a few years, or to be responsible for causing injury or damage.

The ideal method is the traditional one-piece or monolith headstone, fixed with one third tamped into the ground. This style can still be found standing securely in churchyards after 350 years.

Facilities for memorials after cremation vary considerably from one crematorium to another. Some may offer only a line in a book of remembrance. Others offer memorials such as shrubs or plants, plaques, benches, a wall, kerb plaque or even bird boxes. There may be the option of storing the ashes in a columbarium, a room or building with special niches for funeral urns.

All memorials nowadays are supplied on a lease tenure basis, for a fixed number of years, though usually renewable. Like living memorials such as roses, shrubs or trees, they're not for ever. Planting trees in a growing forest with, for example, the Woodland Trust, can be more effective than a short-lived flowering cherry in an overcrowded crematorium garden.

Woodland or green burials are increasingly popular

Woodland or green burials are increasingly popular, but be cautious about those that plant a tree on every grave. As the trees grow many will have to be thinned out and it can be distressing if a loved one's memorial tree has to be removed. It's better to have the interments in glades or clearings well away from trees and roots.

Wild flower meadows are another attractive and more manageable alternative for those wanting a back-to-nature burial.

Memorials are not permitted on graves in many woodland burial grounds and floral tributes are discouraged. Check the details and make sure the resting place you choose is going to satisfy the needs of the family for many years to come.

Other types of practical memorials may be a bench or bird box, or a donation to a community building project for something like a hall, library, theatre or church repairs, perhaps with an inscribed brick, tile or chair.

Charities are another option. Many organisations depend on donations and bequests for their good works. Perhaps the deceased had a favourite charity. This could be stated in the obituary, along with the name and address of the funeral director - who would then collect donations and forward them to the charity concerned.