Personalising a funeral Sam Weller and Alan Puxley Funerals will always be personal to the individual cast in the leading role. In the past, the clergyman conducting the service would invariably have known the deceased, and would have referred to appropriate incidents and anecdotes.

In this article

Making it personal

Some unusual funerals

In many cases today, the officiant at a crematorium will be working on a rota system, and will only have a small amount of information about the deceased passed on by the funeral director. Taking personal control and customising various aspects can create a more meaningful ceremony.

However, the priest/officiant conducting the service at a crematorium or church will endeavour to make the service as appropriate as possible to the deceased person and to be as helpful as possible to the bereaved relatives.

Coffins are becoming a popular medium for expression. A coffin made from cardboard indicates one's environmental concern and there is an expanding market for these, for both burial and cremation. The surface lends itself to decoration with painting, collage or signatures that can impart a truly individual style.

Wooden coffins are sometimes painted, for example, in the colours of a football club. Coffins can also be shaped like boats, cars and planes or other items reminiscent of a person's lifestyle, occupation or hobby.

More conventional personalising can be achieved by presenting an eulogy, readings or playing music. Many crematoria (as well as churches) have an organ, and they also increasingly have facilities for playing tapes and CDs. There's even a top ten chart of favourite tunes chosen for services at crematoria.

Musicians can play during a service, at the graveside or at the gathering. Scottish pipers, New Orleans-style jazz bands and string quartets quite often perform at funerals.

You can get involved on a more personal level by helping to carry the coffin - and sometimes if there are more than enough volunteers, they can take it in turns. The funeral director should give advice and instruction if required, and there might be a reduction in costs if professional pallbearers aren't employed.

Encouraging mourners to take an active part in the ceremony is another way of personalising. Ask them to bring a token, a flower, note or card, and lay it on the coffin.

Horsedrawn hearses, many of them beautifully restored antiques, offer an impressive and charming way of personalising a funeral that's enjoying a significant revival.

Or if the deceased was a motorcycle enthusiast, you can have a motorcycle and side-car hearse - see Motorcycle funerals for details.

A little extra thought, and not necessarily any more expense, can make all the difference between a service that is soon forgotten and a lasting fond memory.

In terms of where the funeral takes place, it is also not widely known that in the Church of England everyone has the right to a funeral service in their parish church, regardless of whether they ever attended while they were alive.

As the title suggests, when it comes to a funeral some like to make the day a personal testimony to the life and passions of the deceased.

Gene Rodenberry, creator of Star Trek, finally "boldly went" when his cremated remains (or at least a portion) were blasted into space.

Art historian Roger Palmer was granted his final wish when family and friends gathered at a bonfire party so his ashes could be fired up to the heavens in a rocket.

The cremated remains of Sir Charles Irving and his twin sister Tibby were dropped from the air over the town of Cheltenham in 1995.

One firm of glassblowers in London have actually produced an egg timer using a gentleman's cremated remains.

The firm of Vic Fearn and Company in Nottingham have become the 21st century champions of the unusual with their unique range of hand-painted or handcrafted coffins, ranging from a narrowboat coffin, others with stained glass window lids, an 'Angel of the North' wicker casket, coffins painted in Chelsea blue - with cars or steam trains. There was even a request from a man having a coffin made in the shape of a rubbish skip!

The list goes on, but in truth the answer is if it's legal and what you want, why not? Everyday funeral providers up and down the country go to great lengths to help the bereaved achieve that something special. Never be afraid to ask. A good funeral provider's motto is: "The impossible we can do, miracles may take a little longer!"