Options for a funeral Kathy Miller Your family may have a difficult time discussing death. Sometimes, when arranging the funeral of a loved one, involving them in the process can help them come to terms with the sadness associated with death and find a more fitting way of saying goodbye.

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Should I plan my own funeral? What options are there? Do-it-yourself funerals

Woodland burial Burial at sea

The ceremony Am I allowed to bring the body home before the funeral?

Most people at some point in their lives will have to arrange the funeral of a family member. A time of great grief and sadness, it's often not a good time to start looking into the many options for a funeral. You must of course, follow what you feel is right for the person who has died and for the rest of the family, making arrangements that you feel you'll be happy with - and that you can afford. There are sources of practical help and support available.

If you feel very strongly about the way you want your funeral to go, you can leave instructions for your family. One way of doing this is in a letter detailing your wishes - or you can let it be known in conversation if, for example, you have particular views about burial or cremation, a religious or a secular service.

But it may be worth considering that a funeral is also for the living. Although most families will respect the wishes of the person who has died, a letter of instruction is not legally binding. Some families might find it hard to carry out a funeral if they feel it isn't representative of their feelings or the deceased's standing in the community.

There are more choices available than you may realise, although the majority of people choose to use a funeral director for the full funeral service - a funeral director won't necessarily present you with all the possible options.

But this shouldn't stop you from shopping around to make sure that you are getting the services that you require.

A DIY funeral needn't be an 'either or' choice. It can range from dealing with all the arrangements from the time of death to the final interment, to arranging to handle just a part of the ceremonies.

A small but growing number of DIY funerals are held each year, some motivated by the desire to be personally involved at every stage of saying farewell to the deceased and some by the desire to find an inexpensive or greener alternative to the conventional funeral.

Some people are choosing a woodland burial site instead of a cemetery or crematorium. There are now many in the UK, some run as annexes to local authority sites, some by local farmers. It may be possible to be buried in a cardboard coffin or even in a shroud. In some a tree is planted, at others, the site is already a nature reserve but individual plaques may still be possible.

There are now only two places where sea burials are permitted: Newhaven and the Needles Spoil Ground, to the west of the Isle of Wight. You should tell the registrar that you're planning a sea burial and obtain a coroner's 'Out of England' form. The free licence can be obtained from the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA).

There are no legal requirements for the form a funeral ceremony must take. Once the death certificate and registration have taken place, it's up to you to decide how to mark the committal.

However, the overwhelming majority of people opt for a religious form of ceremony which follows their cultural traditions or the format laid down in the service books at the crematorium or local church. A service can be arranged either at the crematorium or in two parts: first at church and then a committal at the crematorium or cemetery.

If you want a non-religious funeral, then the British Humanist Association will put you in touch with a local secular officiant.

Most services last around 30 minutes - however, there's nothing to stop you asking for longer at the crematorium.

If you're planning to conduct your own ceremony, it's a good idea to think of starting with some music, then a few opening words of welcome. You can add sentences from the Bible or another religious text or poems or prayers. Then you might want to present some readings or thoughts on the subject of life and death.

This can be followed by a spoken tribute to the person who has died. You can ask friends or relatives to share the responsibility for doing this: it can be personal, even full of funny stories.

Then you need to think about the committal; if you're in a crematorium or cemetery, this is the point at which you say good-bye to the deceased. Finally, you should think of a way to close the service, with perhaps some music to play as people leave.

You are, of course, allowed to keep the body at home so that friends and relative can visit and pay their respects. You may also ask the funeral director to make the necessary arrangements and bring the deceased to your home.

Some people find it helps the grieving process if they're allowed to touch or kiss the deceased. If you choose to wash and lay out your loved one personally, the community or district nurse may be able to give advice if they've been in attendance.