What is bereavement? Bereavement and grief are experiences which are almost certain to happen to each of us sooner or later in life. Dr Ann Dent explains what they are and how examining the other losses we've experienced in our lives can help us deal with the death of a loved one.

In this article

Bereavement

What is grief?

Learning to adapt

To be bereaved usually means to lose someone we love through death. It results in a great longing for the dead person and a period of adjustment which may take years. All parts of our being may be affected - emotional, physical, spiritual and social - but the overriding feeling is one of intense pain, or grief.

• It's estimated that each day 500 women in the UK will become widows.
• It's estimated that 175,000 men in the UK become widowers each year.
• About 180,000 children under the age of 16 years lose a parent.
• About 12,000 children die in the UK each year
• Many others are affected by the death of a parent, a friend or a much-loved pet.

Grief is the name given to the natural reactions we have after the death of someone who's been close to us. Like with a physical injury, the recovery and healing process can take time. This period cannot be rushed and varies from individual to individual.

When we're grieving, it's difficult to understand what's happening. One of the ways in which we can understand better is to look at other losses in our lives, each of which requires a period of adjustment. Even a simple one such as losing a purse will produce a reaction. Initially, we may have feelings of disbelief, panic, confusion, leading to annoyance, anger and inconvenience. Life has been temporarily upset and it takes a while to adjust to the new situation. In time, we'll either find the purse or accept its loss.

Recovering from a death is similar but feelings are more intense, painful and last much longer. It too is a process of learning to adapt to the new situation. There's an empty space where before there was a living human being. We have to adjust to life without that person.

In time our grieving will ease

Our pain and suffering is the price we pay for loving. Any pain is tiring. A toothache can be relieved by an analgesic or a visit to the dentist, but the acute pain of grief is constantly with us, unrelieved by any painkiller. While we're going through the pain, it's difficult to believe that we'll ever enjoy life again. But in time our grieving will ease and gradually life will become more bearable and even pleasurable.