Helping others through grief When someone close to you is grieving, you may feel as if there's little you can do for them. However, helping with minor tasks, paying an occasional visit or making a kind phone call can all go a long way towards easing their suffering, says Dr Ann Dent.

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Helping the bereaved

Take the initiative

Initially, cards or letters of condolence are usually much appreciated by the bereaved, especially if you're able to write something positive and meaningful about the deceased. Flowers (for men as well as women) may also be welcome. Don't expect a reply as the bereaved person has enough to do and may have no energy or inclination to write.

Be yourself and treat the bereaved person as normally as possible, taking cues from their response or behaviour towards you. Most bereaved people are relieved to be given permission to talk. Whether a friend or a professional, helping another person through their grief is simply 'being' with them, not trying to provide answers. The one thing they want is to have the dead person back and no one can give them this.

The greatest help is allowing them to tell their story without interruption. This may help to make some sense of their confusion and bring some meaning to the event. Show the person you're not embarrassed by their tears or strong emotions.

A common mistake is in deciding what the grieving person needs. Help them to make decisions themselves by suggesting choices. Although you may have suffered a similar bereavement, never say, "I know how you feel". You can never know what it feels like for someone else, but it may be helpful for the bereaved person to know that you've been bereaved too and can understand something of the pain.

Take the initiative and ring them

Instead of asking them to ring you, take the initiative and ring them. Bereaved people don't always have the energy or motivation to make the first move. Ask if you or others can help with everyday tasks such as cooking meals, taking the children out or to school, or sharing a meal with them if they're on their own. Offer practical help with shopping, gardening and transport.

Continue to invite the bereaved person to any events you would've invited them to before.

At the beginning of any visit, it may be helpful to say how long you'll stay. This sets boundaries for you and the grieving person.

If as time goes on the bereaved person shows prolonged guilt, anger, severe depression, suicidal tendencies or no grief at all, professional help may be needed. The sufferer's GP should be the first port of call.