Death of a parent The loss of a mother or father is difficult to come to terms with at any age. Dr Ann Dent looks at how children, as well as adults, are affected by the loss of someone who's played such a fundamental role in their lives until now.

In this article

Parental death in childhood

Parental death in adulthood

Support groups and further reading

The death of a parent is one of the most painful losses a child can experience. For the majority of children, parents are the most significant people in their lives, so when one dies, life as the child knows it is disrupted and irrevocably changed. It's a time of suffering and confusion, both for the child and surviving parent.

When a partner dies, the surviving parent is thrust into a new role - that of single parent. Parents have to deal with their own reactions, as well as respond to the child's needs. The way in which a parent can meet both needs will affect how well the child adapts to the death and to subsequent changes in life. Children need three things to help them cope with the death: support, nurturing and continuity.

It's natural for our parents to die before us; nonetheless, losing a mother or father is difficult to come to terms with, because you've lost part of your past, a part of yourself, a friend, a helper and possibly a wise counsellor.

Nowadays, an increasing number of older people are living independently, so the death of a parent may not cause a great change in your everyday life. When a parent has been living with you, it may be more difficult to adjust to life without them.

For children's support groups see Helping bereaved children. For adult's support groups, see Bereavement counselling.

For books on the subject, see Further reading.