Fags, Mags and Bags Meet The Cast

For the 2nd series of the Sony Nominated and Writers Guild award winning Fags, Mags & Bags, Radio 4 listeners marvelled at the sheer hideousness of Ramesh’s extended family, guffawed loudly at Alok’s celebrity branded merchandise, and openly laughed and pointed at Sanjay’s attempts at facial hair.

So next time join once again the staff of Fags, Mags and Bags in their tireless quest to bring nice–price custard creams and cans of coke with Arabic writing on them to an ungrateful nation. Enter this heady world of behind the counter philosophy, courtesy of the Majhu family, the head of which is Ramesh.

Ramesh has built the shop up over the course of 30 years, and is a firmly entrenched feature of the local area. Ramesh is ably assisted by his shop sidekick Dave, a forty-something underachiever who shares Ramesh’s love of the art of shopkeeping, even if he is treated like a slave.

Then of course there are Ramesh’s sons Sanjay and Alok, both surly and not particularly keen on the old school approach to shopkeeping, but natural successors to the business. Ramesh is keen to pass all his worldly wisdom onto them whether they like it or not.

RAMESH The owner, or vanguard if you will (actually no – just ‘owner’) of Fags, Mags and Bags. Lenzie’s premier vendor of newspapers, confectionary, and last minute green toilet roll which is invariably accessed by that big long stick with a hook on it from a high shelf. Ramesh loves being a shopkeeper and loves all the aspects of the art of shop (and, yes, he genuinely considers it to be an art). He applies the ‘low return’ rules of shop to all other aspects of his life, and therefore comes across as a bit tight with money. This is unfair though, Ramesh is merely cognisant of the fact that each chocolate tool sold returns 0.35 pence into the coffers and yet the said coffers have provided Ramesh with a tan Mercedes and a pair of tassled mushroom loafers.

SANJAY Sanjay is seventeen and consequently both angry and confused. One thing is quite clear to him though – he doesn’t want to work in a shop. In terms of attitude, he combines the indifference of a flock of Goths perched outside a major railway station, with the sarcasm of a flock of Goths perched outside a major railway station. Forced to do shifts in the shop for pocket money, and to maintain the Roof Over His Head ^TM he blasts out drum and bass with his beanie hat pulled over his eyes in a feeble act of rebellion against women buying Chomps and Grazie.

ALOK Alok would like to think of himself as the Asian Richard Branson, to the extent that he would happily launch a new online bread roll delivery service dressed in a bridal gown before throwing Kate Thornton into a nearby swimming pool for the assembled press. Unfortunately his only outlet for his cutting–edge business ideas is his dad’s shop, where the press are rarely assembled, and dad isn’t interested. In fact, dad’s response to his many schemes (internet pillar, hover shoes, self building Lego) is remarkably like an open mouthed guffaw.

DAVE Ramesh’s sidekick, best friend and to the causal observer, hetero life partner. Dave is unencumbered by ambition, angst, and adenoids (after a childhood incident involving a snowball with a stone in it). Dave is one of life’s learners – he has a hunger for knowledge which is satisfied by the burgeoning spectrum of part work publications which rain like intellectual gold dust onto the shop counter (free binder with part one). You may get the impression that Dave would work at the shop even if he wasn’t paid. And you would be right. To have that impression. Because he would. Work at the shop. Even if he wasn’t being paid. So well done you.