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Latest Synopsis
Listeners

Devoted to Archers listeners, this is where we show off their multiple talents!

Archers parodies in the style of:

horseshoe

Jennifer's Palace
by Sixtus_Beckmesser
"They're changing times at Jennifer's Palace
Christopher Carter got hitched to Alice..."


river

Alice, The Maid of Ambridge
by Hot Cross Nun
"Down by the river Am with its fast-flowing water,
Oft times Alice Aldridge met her own dear Christopher Carter..."


cauldron

Mattbeth and the Crones
by typewright
"Three strange-looking figures are stirring a blackened pot over a camping stove dangerously close to a tent..."

village shop

The People's Shop
by Vicky S
"The People's Shop is painted red,
(We found a tin in Robert's shed)"


gryphon

The Three Brummie Butchers
by Mathos-le-Rhymer
"It's of three brummie butchers as I've heard many say
They were meeting with some Ambridge woman their money for to pay ... "


No 10

A Proper Solution
by JustJennyDarling
"The Queen was sat down in her palace
And dreading receiving a call
She was really fed up with politics
And wanted an end to it all."


smoking jacket

A History of Ambridge in 100 Objects
by Minihohum
"Nelson Gabriel's smoking jacket dates from around 1972 ..."

chard

A Whine from the Poo Farm or Now we are Sick
by Vicky S
"We're marketing stuff at Ambridge Organic,
There's plenty for all so please do not panic"


axe shadow

Snowy's List
by Mr Snowy
"He's got 'em on his list - they're all on Snowy's list
And they'll none of 'em be missed - they'll none of 'em be missed."


till

Who killed the shop?
by Mr Snowy
"Who killed the shop?
"I," replied Peg."


tripod

Dangerous Knowledge
by Anglo-Norman
"the villagers stopped what they were doing, rushing outside or looking around wildly, shocked, confused, chattering excitedly."

hat on mantlepiece

The Young-ish Visiters
by screamname
"I will bring Isabelle Wofford-Monticue commonly called Izzy. She is very active and pretty, espeshually doing her dance routines."

hymn book

Hymns Camping and Modern
by various
"And did those Franks in Summer time
Camp upon Devon's pastures green ..."


tea set

Mrs Tucker is received at Hartfield
by PhyllisDoris
"Emma had feelings, less of curiosity than of pride or propriety, to make her resolve on not being the last to pay her respects ..."

star

Ambridge Nativity Play
by RosieT
"Helen! Helen! Stop trying to drag Jazzer off the stage, please ..."

baps

I Watched Thee
by Nelson G
"I watched thee after Betty's eulogy
Wine was drunk and thou didst begin to cry ..."


milkman

A milkman would a-wooing go
by typewright
"They had a good look, and then Vicky cried "Stop!"
With a blingy ring, a dress and a teddy ..."


plinth poster

The Village Plinth
by jjo2
Watch a listener's video tribute to Tom Forrest.

 roses

Roses in the Bowl
by Nelson G
"Now some men like the telly and some men like the drinking
And some men like to hear the Thin Lizzy a-roaring ...
"

 skull

What a piece of work is Matt
"How lacking in reason! how infinite in follies ..."

 baps

You Can Get A Man ...
by Mr Snowy
"I might not be the brightest but my sweaters are the tightest ..."

Pint of beer on pub bar

The Village Inn
by Mr Snowy
"The village pub, the dear old pub Where Freda Fry knocks out the grub The heart of all our Ambridge ways ..."

guitar

Walk on the wild side
by Bear in the Bull
"They said, hey Gran, take a walk on the wild side
I said, hey Peg, take a walk on the wild side ...
"

sausage

Wordsworth's Sausages
by Nelson G
"I wandered lonely as a pig ..."

address_book

Borsetshire Brian
by Mr Snowy
"I'm Borsetshire Brian and I'm not denying
My marriage vows I often scorn...
"

Belloc drawing

Mr Lloyd
by RosieT
"The Chief Defect of Mr Lloyd
Was trying to help the unemployed ...
"

telephone box

What Shall We Do with the Ambridge Phone Box
by THEJennyDarling
"O beautiful and well revered, formerly useful red box from the old GPO ..."

village church

The Ambridge Green Preservation Society
by scotty
"We are the Ambridge Green Preservation Society.
God save a pint of Shire's, Joe's Cider - not sobriety...
"

statue of Shiva

The Little Yellow God
by Farmer's Lung
"There's a one-eyed yellow idol on the shelf next to the loo,
The Churchwarden's rather cross with angry frown ...
"

bee on flower

Reciprocity
by Rosie T
"The bees are buzzing on Lakey Hill
To make some honey just for Jill ...
"

guitar

The lost art of Horrobinning
by various
"When I was born a Grundy in famous Borsetshire
I was the finest poacher for nigh on twenty year
"

raven

The Ryan
by EL-STIG
"Once inside a cottage dreary, sat a vet so weak and weary"

kitchen chair

Al's a Loser
by Vicky S
"Now I've heard there is a message board
Where many post but few are bored
"

Christmas Dinner

Christmas Day in Grey Gables
by Rosie T
"It is Christmas Day in Grey Gables, and the tapestried walls are bright
With garlands of green and holly, and the place is a pleasant sight
"

pig

Tommy Archer
by Mr Snowy
"I went into the Dragon's Den armed with a business plan
And Brian Aldridge said to me "You are my sort of man.
"

pie

Freda's Steak-and-kidney Pie
by Mr Snowy
"A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How the music used to make my day
Each time that I'd hear Barwick Green
I'd turn and leave the TV screen
And then I'd let the words whisk me away.
"

Gin and Tonic

Sixty Going on Seventy
by Doctor_Darling
"I am sixty going on seventy
And I've still got the goods!
"

sausage

Sausage Man
by Piers Plowright
"He's a real Sausage Man
Living in his Sausage Land
"

Felicity Jones (Emma)

She Was Pert and She Was Wilful
by duzzents
"She was pert and she was wilful,/Many pretty ways she had./So she loved 'em and she left 'em,/So they're brothers, that's too bad."

cow

The Cowman Cometh
by RosieT
"'Twas on a Monday morning the cowman came to call.
The Guernseys seemed so ill - I wasn't getting milk at all ...
"

manuscript

The Shrivener's Tale
by Piers Plowman
"I shall tell a tale of virtue rewarded and base treachery deceived ..."

school desks

Forty Years On
by RosieT
"Forty years on, when afar and asunder
Parted are those who are partying today...
"

baby

The Little Foundling: A Fairy Tale of Ambridge
by mommahog
"Once upon a time there was a beautiful Princess ..."

poison bottles

Poisoning Raptors on the Shoot
by The Vintner's Driver
"You don't need to be a wizard
To wish to terminate a buzzard ...
"

marbles

Local Woman Finds Marbles
by Old Lag
"she suddenly realized her marbles were back in her noddle ..."

Arable crop in Pound shape

Profits
by Vicarshusband
""It's really not my problem" sighed Brian, settling down in the new Jaguar."

eggcellent fry-up

Definitely not Delia
by duzzents
"Bert: 'Tis Cornish Heavy Cake I'm making."

gravestone

Wuthering Eyre
by various hands
"Dark clouds scudded across the gibbous moon, and the bare branches of the elms lining the long drive to Aldridge Manor bent and whipped in the bitter wind."

cuckoo in nest

The Cuckoo's in the Nest
by Mr Snowy
"Brine is the daddy-o
The cuckoo's in the nest...
"

devil

Old Jimmy's Game
by Mr Snowy
"You know, there's been a terrible mistake ...", said Jim Lloyd.

My Dog, by Lily

Lily's News
by Vicky S
"Did you know that if you eat strawberry icecream you will have pink sick ..."

photo flash

Ambridge Valley PTA
by Loda Bullox
"I wanna tell you all a story 'bout an Ambridge publican's ex-wife,
She had a young son Jamie who attended Ambridge Village Junior High ...
"

   More Parodies from Ambridge
Archers Parodies
Archers Fantasies
Go to our new Fantasy page and read some fantastic flights of fancy. Our readers' fantasies include: "The Great Pargetters" and "The Witches of Ambridge
Fantasy Archers

Archers parodies in the style of:

cupboard

The Lower Loxley Handbook
by Vicky S and lantana2
"... On the floor is a Henry vacuum cleaner, which has been authenticated by Sotheby's as being a pre 1995 Argos model ..."



Sausage and Mash

These Foolish Things
by Piers Plowman

"...You came, you slurped, you conquered me!
When you did that to me,
I felt the breath of Hungary ..."

David Tennant

Twelve Days of Ambridge by Various talents
"...On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Three Dodgy deals,
Two pints of Shires,
And a cartridge in a Purdey ..."

David Tennant

The Mistress
by Snowy

"...The Doctor: A problem? Could be. I'm picking up signals about the Mistress ..."

Winnie the Pooh toy

The Farm at Home Corner
by Piers Plowman

"...Would you like some honey for your toast, darling? ..."

Dangerous Liaisons
by Becky Edwards

"...Caroline, my sweet, what a pleasant surprise. I was just watching a shrew in the grain store, and thinking of you ..."

Little Brother
by Chris Hanson

"...Sonja's voice faltered as Helen Archer came over, beaming at her - or was she? There was something hysterical in her voice as she said, "What were you just saying to Chris..."

John Simm

Life at Brookfield
by Mr Snowy
"... My name is Sam Batton. I had an accident and I woke up in 2004. Am I mad, in a coma or back in time? ..."

attic

The Lower Loxley Handbook - Part 2
by various
"... If you look to your left you will see the tools of the bodger's trade ..."

A Midsummer Nightmare
by Deborah Z

"... As dawn began peeping on the horizon, Helen tumbled over William, waking him up. The subsequent screams as William tried to press his suit with her ..."

Vodka with Carly
by Mathos-le-rhymer.

"... She grinned up at him with the sly, blackened teeth of her mother. She wore her tartan mini-skirt, school blazer, cheap leather pet collar and her bare legs were brown with fake tan ..."

Tony the Batsman

The Battle Hymn of Ambridge Cricket
by Mr Snowy

"... Glory, glory, good old Ambridge
As our team goes marching on
..."

Donald Swann

The Vet Man Cometh
by the_vintners_driver

"... 'Twas on the Monday morning,
The vet man came to call
..."

Lucky
by Katy Bollen (Inspired by a D H Lawrence short story)

"... Puzzled, Adam drew closer, wondering who could be there with him. They were deep into the woods now, where hardly anyone ever came ..."

B Life!

B Life!
by Vicky S and Sovietsong
"... B Life! will be there to entertain, guide and inform you about everything that is buzzing in Borsetshire ...";

longhorn

The Longhorn and Ruairi
by Mustafa Grumble
"There's a famous big house, Lower Loxley, that's noted for fresh air and fun,
And Mr and Mrs Brian Archer went there with young Ruairi, 'is son ...
"

Wizard Hat

Harry Potter and the Mustardpot of Doom
by lantana2
"... 'A most charming place', said Dumbledore, politely. 'Have you worked at The Laurels long, Mrs Tucker?' ..."

cupboard

The Lower Loxley Handbook
by Vicky S and lantana2
"... On the floor is a Henry vacuum cleaner, which has been authenticated by Sotheby's as being a pre 1995 Argos model ..."



Wizard Hat

Harry Potter and the Worm of Ambridge, Part 1
by lantana2
"Marjorie Antrobus nodded, and handed Snape a battered address book and a piece of paper."

Wizard Hat

Harry Potter and the Worm of Ambridge, Part 2
by lantana2
"Snape dived for the knife and placed it on the table top. Ruairi threw himself onto the tiles and started to scream."

Wizard Hat

Harry Potter and the Worm of Ambridge, Part 3
by lantana2
"Tis the curse of the Wyrm, Bert Fry", said Grundy, happily."

Wizard Hat

Harry Potter and the Worm of Ambridge, Part 4 (finale)
by lantana2
" Snape picked up the unconscious Bellatrix and hid her unceremoniously in a clump of rhododendrons."

Blaize Montpelier

Blaize Montpelier
by Vicky S
"Blaize Montpelier, casually dressed in a deceptively simple Versace shift ..."

Punch and Judy

Punch and Judy
by Piers Plowman
"ALICE: Oh, how I'd love to wring your neck!
[Aside] (But when you're gone I'll take the cheque).
"

radio

The Midweek Ambridge Omnibus
by Slightly-Foxed
"JOLENE: Oh, look. There's Sid. Coming out the gents with a strange man."

  More Parodies from Ambridge
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