Classic Confession: The Swallowed 2p

Twenty years ago, when Simon was a whippersnapper presenter on BBC Radio 1, he received thousands of letters from listeners confessing their darkest secrets and worst misdemeanours, begging for his forgiveness. Every day, Father Mayo read out a confession - and then he'd decide whether to grant forgiveness or not.

Read a classic Confession below, then Send Simon Your Confession


Dear Father Mayo,

My confession dates back to the early days of decimalization when I was only a wee young lad. Being a very inquisitive and daft child, I did what everyone of my age would have done with a new 2p piece - I swallowed it!

After the initial panic of turning blue and the apparent lack of breath, I calmed myself down and decided to seek help. I rushed home and told my mother, who insisted on a trip to the local hospital. Sitting in the waiting room, with children with saucepans on their heads and buttons stuck up their noses (just the usual, quite normal day at Sunderland General Hospital) I awaited my fate.

After what seemed hours I was taken into a room with more gadgets than Starship Enterprise and asked to undress and lie on the table. 'Don't worry son, I'm only giving you an X-ray' explained the doctor. 'It won't hurt a bit and is completely safe,' he said as he hurried behind a lead wall.

A few minutes later he announced what I already knew, 'You've swallowed a 2p piece.' 'Amazing', I thought, 'What will we have to do?' asked my worried mother. 'No surgery is required,' the doctor replied, 'Just let nature take its course'. It wasn't until I got home that I was informed what that meant. From then on I had to do the obvious in a bucket until the 2p was found, a job my mother thought best suited to... Dad! For nearly 2 weeks he searched the contents of the bucket, sometimes twice a day, until the 2p was finally discovered, much to his relief.

Now after all those years, I have decided to confess all. I have never had the heart, or guts, to come clean and admit that I found the 2p on the same day I returned from the hospital and decided to plant a 2p in the bucket when I could see Dad had had enough. Can you forgive me for this dreadful deed?

Will my Dad forgive me?

Will the Royal Mint forgive me?

Please end my suffering as I can't look at a 2p piece without filling with guilt.

Yours owing-up-ingly

Gary (aged 25 ¾)

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