Advice

It's normal to be a bit shy or have a low self esteem but if wish you were a little more confident, get some handy tips here on coming out of your shell...

Am I shy?

Bashful, reticent, self-conscious, sheepish, timid, wary

Am I shy?

Do you feel nervous when you're:

• With people you don't know very well (specially of the opposite sex)
• At parties
• Meeting new people for the first time
• Talking to strangers
• Talking to people in authority, like teachers or policemen

Do you find it hard to

• Look people in the eye
• Ask people for information
• Think of things to say when you're in a group
• Act natural with new people
• Give my opinion or assert yourself

Did you answer 'yes' to over half the questions?

Then you may well be shy

Shyness is very common. About 40% of us would describe ourselves this way.
It's only a problem if shyness stops us doing stuff we want to. Like getting ourselves noticed or achieving our potential.

Why are people shy?

Sometimes we are born timid. Maybe it's in our genes. Plus we're all told not to show off or talk to strangers.
For others, we become shy because we've experienced things that make us wary. Maybe we've been rejected, ridiculed or ignored. Our self-esteem gets lowered, so we start to avoid the thing that made us feel bad like social contact with other people. Then it becomes a habit.

What's the problem with being shy?

Shy people are often loyal, thoughtful, conscientious - great friends. Imagine the world if everyone was pushy and loud. So there's no problem being shy - if we're happy.

But shy people can be lonely and isolated. Or end up being sidestepped, not getting asked out, not getting that pay rise or that uni place. They can almost always settle for second best.

How can I stop being so shy?

It's not rocket science. If we want to be good with people, we need to practice. That's it.

Go easy on yourself. You wouldn't expect to pass GCSE Maths without working at it. No one becomes a dazzlingly popular, assertive person overnight.

So start slow. Find a bunch of friends or family. Then make sure you get a word in edgeways. Next, try asking a question at the end of a lesson or even putting your hand up in class. Wait till you're confident here before taking the plunge with strangers. Try asking people about themselves. Get them talking. This takes the pressure off you.

You can do this. If you suffer knock-backs, pick yourself up and try again. No one gets it perfect every time.

Most important: be happy with yourself. Your own approval is more important than anyone else's. So write that list of all the things you're good at. Mine starts with "knowing all the Number Ones from 2001? The cheesier the better.