Stable

by Olivia

2011 GOLD WINNER - 10-13 Years Old

'Stable', thats what the doctors said. I used to think stable was like building a house, if it was unstable it would fall. I guess it's the same for you.

It's a year since the crash, my arm has healed, I wanted you to do the same. I live with Auntie Lucy; She's great but she isn't you. She tries hard though, she tries to do pancakes and tell stories like you, but as I said, it wasn't you.

I hope you know I visited you everyday so you'd know I was alright and you'd know what I was doing at school and what Lucy and I would do.

I tried to wake you up. I tried so hard. I hugged you, told you stories, begged and pleaded, but you wouldn't do anything. You just lay there still as a statue, breathing softly.

I remember, I came back from school as usual, Lucy was in the kitchen, sitting at the table, her head in her hands. She looked up at me, wiped her eyes, she'd been crying.

"Are you ok?" I asked, edging towards her. "We need to talk.." she whispered "Your mum's been like this for a year."

The words stung. I knew the years, months even the days but I felt like I had just been slapped round the face.

"Your mum isn't getting better, they might have to.." she started to cry but pulled herself together they might have to let her go..

That night, I locked myself in my room. I screamed and shouted, broke things, but mostly I cried.

The next day, when I unlocked my door, after a night of mental torment, Lucy was waiting outside. She told me I could see you before they turned it off.

I walked through those hospital corridors as I had many times, but it was now different, it was the last.

I don't remember what I said to you, but I remember begging for you to wake up, show them all, even Auntie Lucy, but you lay there still as a statue, breathing softly.

I cried everyday, but for some reason, not at your funeral.

I remember watching you lowered in your special black box into the ground and laid violets on your grave and that night I cried double as much. After hardly sleeping for two weeks, I eventually collapsed of exhaustion.

That night I dreamt of you. It felt so real, you wore your favourite pink summer dress, you were glowing. You ran to me, hugged me tight, told me you loved me and wiped my tears away. You made me promise to try and not cry, you kissed my cheek and said goodbye.

I've not cried since, I'm 17 now.

I still live with Auntie Lucy, I love living with her, but she's not you.

I mainly wanted you to know that in case you don't hear me every night before I go to sleep,

I love you.