11/12/2012

Pause for Thought

From Sarah Joseph, Editor of a Muslim lifestyle magazine.

It's my 20th wedding anniversary tomorrow.

I can't tell you exactly why it has worked all these years, but it has.
I suppose we chose each other because of shared values as opposed to other considerations.

The values we care about can be summed up in a short chapter of the Qur'an called "Asr". In it God swears by time that human beings are lost except those who believe, who do good deeds, who tell the truth and who are patient.

Having something higher to believe in, believing that we'll be called to account one day gives us both a sense of awe, and something beyond us as a couple.
Doing good in this world makes sense to us. The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
Truth is fundamental, because without it there can't be trust.
Patience is vital - and it is often sorely tested.

He makes me laugh, which helps. And he enjoys making me laugh.

My mantra throughout the marriage has always been "one good thing" - so every day I focus on one thing I really like about him, or one thing which he has done for me which was nice that day. And he does a lot of kind things: he cooks me amazing meals, he picks me up at unearthly hours, he always gives me the better half of the mango. In truth-he cares. And caring is important in relationships. More than that though—he helps me strive to be better, to be more than I am. He is both the rock which anchors me, and the wind beneath my wings to help me fly.

There's an awful lot that goes into a marriage. We work really hard at making it work. Ultimately, I think we are both to committed to the Qur'anic description of a married couple.
The Qur'an describes men and women as "protecting friends" of one another. You look out for each other, and the relationship should never be a competition.
It also puts forward a powerful metaphor - men and women are "garments" for each other. And a garment is special - it covers, it protects, it beatifies, and it is skin close - never letting anything come between.