Music Played13 items
Moloko Sing It Back
Is Harry On The Boat? (Various), Virgin
Rebecca Ferguson Backtrack
Elton John Rocket Man
Elton John Greatest Hits 1970-2002, Mercury
Bellowhead Roll The Woodpile Down
Broadside, Navigator Records, 003
Thomas Dolby She Blinded Me With Science
Thomas Dolby - Hyperactive, EMI, 11
Tyler James Single Tear
The Unlikely Lad, Island
The Bonzo Dog Band I'm The Urban Spaceman
The Ivor Novello Winners, EMI
Robert Palmer Bad Case Of Loving You
The Very Best Of Robert Palmer, EMI
Elbow Lippy Kids
(CD Single), Fiction, 1
Maroon 5 One More Night
(CD Single), A&M, 1
The Beatles Across The Universe
The Beatles : 1967-1970, Apple, 13
Rick Astley Superman
(CD Single), Cruz Music, 1
Ray Charles I Got A Woman
Best Of The 50's (Various Artists), Disky
Today's Confession: Foxy Ladies
I am a married man with 2 beautiful children and have led a blameless and scrupulous life thus far…well, apart from a series of shameful (but forgivable) acts perpetrated by my good self nearly 30 years ago, for which I seek forgiveness from you and the considerate collective .
The year was 1984 and I was a typical 14 year old boy in that I was developing a very keen interest in girls. I attended an all-boys school at the time, so found myself at a distinct disadvantage when it came to the number of opportunities available to me to “work my magic” on any potential girlfriends. Indeed, I relied heavily on taking advantage of the fact that my 2 sisters would regularly bring home their school friends for tea, giving me a chance to at least engage in conversation with a member of the opposite sex. I didn’t find this easy however, and would often say something or do something completely idiotic in a vain attempt to impress them – a cracking example of this is when, on hearing that a quite attractive girl liked me, I kicked a packet of crisps out of her hands while she was eating them. They, of course, ended up all over her and all over the floor, and she never spoke to me again…to this day I still don’t know what drove me to do that! But I digress...
My parents had divorced when I was much younger, and my sisters and I would regularly stay at our Dad’s flat at weekends and during school holidays. My Dad was always accumulating “stuff” from numerous people he knew in numerous places, and after staying with him we would often return home with armfuls of pads and pens and clothing and bits and bobs, invariably emblazoned with a company logo stamped all over it. We didn’t ask questions, after all free stuff is free stuff and as Aristotle once said “You can never have enough pads and pens...”
On one occasion, my Dad gave me a sketching pad as he knew I was interested in art and drawing. When I opened this pad to the first page my eyes gazed upon the single most impressive thing I had seen…ever! It was a pencil drawing of Jimi Hendrix. Now, you’re probably thinking ‘this kid is easily impressed’, but I am not exaggerating when I say that the drawing was absolutely superb, I mean genuinely top drawer. The artist had captured this music legend’s features to perfection, his expression displaying that most iconic countenance that his fans are so familiar with, the eyes alluded to the emotion and passion that this true icon of the music world carried with him (OK, I’m no Brian Sewell, but you get the idea).
I was awestruck and wanted to know who’d drawn it, but my Dad didn’t know. He’d just ‘acquired’ the sketching pad along with a boxful of other stuff from a friend and didn’t know the origin of the drawing.
Inspired by seeing such a skilful piece of artwork, I went about trying to replicate the drawing myself under the notion that if that person can do it then so can I. I tried and tried for several weeks but my arty skills were no match and my attempts did not do the late, great Mr Hendrix any justice at all. I soon abandoned this project and went about my life as before.
It was some time later that the aforementioned shameful acts occurred. I happened to have the Hendrix drawing in my possession when a particularly attractive friend of my sisters came for tea. She asked what it was I was holding and I, quite innocently, showed her the drawing. Her eyes lit up when she saw the faultless piece of artwork, and she immediately said “Wow! Did you do this, Jason?”
In that moment, the part of my brain that deals with integrity and honesty and morality and righteousness completely caved in to the part of my brain that deals with impressing girls, and I found myself answering, “Yes… yes, I did that.”
Well, to say she was impressed is an understatement. She gazed at me with a never-before-seen respect and admiration, and she soon became putty in my hands. I’m ashamed to say I took full advantage of this golden opportunity, and before long she became my girlfriend. Life was good, apart from having to handle the occasional request to “do a drawing”, where I would have to find some feeble excuse to decline (usually tiredness, or stating that, being arty, I like to do my artwork alone). The one time I did try to draw my girlfriend, she ended up looking like Slash from Guns n’ Roses, which isn't a good look for a girl. In my opinion.
The Hendrix strategy was used on at least 3 separate occasions with 3 different girls (not all friends of my sisters’ I hasten to add), and each time, without fail, it worked. By ‘worked’ I mean I gained some perfectly innocent a’kissin and a’cuddlin knowledge, which at age 14 was all I really knew how to do anyway.
For the record, I lost the Hendrix picture about a year after receiving it, not sure how, but it did at least ensure that I couldn’t continue using ‘the Hendrix method’ into adolescence. I never admitted to the girls in question that it wasn’t my drawing, and the guilt of this and what I did has been with me ever since. And the girl who looked like Slash married an MP.
And so I seek forgiveness mainly from the girls who were hoodwinked by my deception, but also from the unknown artist whose superlative piece of work I plagiarised for my own selfish needs. I feel that you, the collective, are the ones who can provide me with the redemption I seek, and that if you show mercy, it will make my life wholesome once more!