Music Played13 items
Barry White You're The First, The Last, My Everything
Barry White - The Collection, Mercury
Deacon Blue The Hipsters
(CD Single), Edsel Recordings, 1
Simple Minds Don't You (Forget About Me)
Jim Kerr recalls his 1980s
Glittering Prize - Best Of Simple Min, Virgin
Squeeze Is That Love?
Big Squeeze: The Very Best Of Squeeze, Universal/A&M
The Chi-Lites Too Good To Be Forgotten
The Best Of The Chi-Lites, BMG
(CD Single), Island
The Beatles The Beatles - In My Life
The Beatles: 1962-1967, Apple, 11
Kylie Minogue Can't Get You Out Of My Head
(CD Single), Parlophone
Paul Carrack When My Little Girl Is Smiling
(CD Single), Carrack-UK Records, 1
Gene Cotton Me And The Elephant
Andy Burrows Because I Know That I Can
(CD Single), Play It Again Sam UK, 1
Billie Holiday Autumn In New York
Confession: Shrine On
Dear Father Simon and the gathered collective,
I seek forgiveness for a misdemeanour that occurred some 27 years ago in the summer of 1985. Yes, Madonna was at the top of the charts with 'Into the Groove' (more about that later), with Back to the Future the big hit at the cinema.
My elder sister at the time was 12 years old and I a mere 8. My sister and I were both happy kids and relatively bright with good grades at school. However, the major difference between the 2 of us was swottiness. My sister was the biggest swot of them all; for example, always getting in from school and doing her homework straight away, whereas I on the other hand dumped my coat and bag in the house and rushed back out to do what kids should be doing , i.e. playing football with mates or riding my bike and then at the last possible moment doing my homework as fast as possible and not really caring that much about the content.
We were both bright, but in all honesty I was brighter than my sister (as my parents kept reminding me) but she would always get the higher grades, better spelling test results, better exam results, etc, etc. My mum and dad would constantly come out with "If only you worked as half as hard as your sister, you would be top of the class." This is where my problem starts, if it were not for the super swot I wouldn't have got into half as much trouble as I did.
Ms Teachers Pet would join all the after school clubs and be really committed to whatever she put her efforts into and would invariably end up getting full marks for everything. She had certificates galore. Certificates for all the various levels: beginner, intermediate, advanced, expert, for gymnastics. Certificates for swimming, certificates for spelling awards, you name it, if there was a certificate for it she had it, if fact the only one she didn't seem to have was the 'certificate for the biggest brown nose award' which I think she more than deserved.
Anyway, all these certificates were adorned on her bedroom wall. Yes, amidst the Duran Duran and A-Ha posters was the 'certificate shrine', her pride and joy. If friends came round then the pesky immature 8 year old brother was banished out of her bedroom while my sister and her mates would chat and gossip, and I wasn't allowed to cramp her style. I could hear her through the door though and in her self-righteous tone she would boast to her mates about yet another certificate being added to the shrine.
My sister was a big Madonna fan, and had purchased her first UK No.1 single 'Into the Groove.' She played it constantly on her turntable. I've nothing particularly against Madonna, I'm not her biggest fan, but she's OK. However, this record was played and played and played. When I asked mum and dad to tell her to 'turn that racket down' as they so often shouted to me, all I got was, ‘well, she has done really well at school this week and she did get another certificate for swimming too, so no, she can play her music as long and as loud as she wants.’ Drat!
Well Simon, that was it. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. After a few more airings of 'Into the Groove' my sister decided to go out and play for once. I sensed my opportunity. The red mist had descended upon me and without really thinking I grabbed the nearest ballpoint pen, went into my sister’s bedroom and wrote "MY SISTER STINKS" on every single certificate (there must have been at least 20). I then went out to play.
Later that evening, just after tea in fact, my sister had finished her meal first and went upstairs to her bedroom. An almighty scream rang out throughout the house. My parents, looking startled both ran upstairs to the bedroom, whilst I sat there thinking ‘oops’. Perhaps this prank wasn’t such a good idea after all. I was summoned upstairs to face the music. My dad said sternly "Have you done this?"
Now I know he's not a police investigator and is unlikely to be in CSI, but it didn't really need Sherlock Holmes’s powers of deduction to figure out who the guilty party was when "MY SISTER STINKS" was plastered all over the wall. "Yes" I quivered, unable to think of such a witty comeback and petrified of the trouble I now found myself in. There really was no denying it was me.
My sister, by this time in floods of tears, kept telling me that she hated me and would never forgive me. It took my parents ages to calm her down, this being achieved by grounding me for 2 whole weeks, and by making an emergency purchase of liquid paper to cover up my harsh words, but because I'd written the offensive words ballpoint pen, you could still quite clearly see the words in-dented beneath it once it had dried. The certificates were never quite the same after I had defaced them.
So Simon and the collective, I seek forgiveness for this terrible deed. I can only blame the 'red mist' as this was completely out of character for me. Even now when my own kids get certificates from school and stick them up on their wall I still feel the shame of my actions all those years ago, and only the forgiveness of your holy collective can finally shift the guilt. Although it has to be said my sister is now a teacher and she is still dead swotty.
Yours, 'Bad Brother'