Music Played11 items
Queen Crazy Little Thing Called Love
The Game, Island, 5
Scouting for Girls Summertime In The City
(CD Single), Epic, 1
Sheryl Crow A Change Would Do You Good
Woman (Various Artists), Polygram Tv/Sony Tv
Hockey Song Away
(CD Single), Virgin, 1
Orange Juice Rip It Up
Rip It Up (Various Artists), EMI
Elton John & Pnau Foreign Fields
Good Morning To The Night, Mercury, 6
Ashton, Gardner & Dyke Resurrection Shuffle
25 Years Of Rock'n'Roll: 1971, Connoisseur Collection
The Who Won't Get Fooled Again
Ultimate Rock 2 (Various Artists), Hit Label
Shakespears Sister You're History
The Awards 1990 (Disc 1) (Various), Telstar
Paul Carrack When My Little Girl Is Smiling
(CD Single), Carrack-UK Records, 1
Nat King Cole Unforgettable
The Nat King Cole Story (Disc 1), Capitol
Confession: The Son Always Shines On TV
Dear Father Simon and the regrouped collective.
Yesterday you asked for Christening-based Confessions and also commented that it was one of the quickest submitted confessions ever. That record was short lived as I'm sure this breaks it since it took place this weekend.
My wife and I are very keen Formula 1 fans and have gone to at least one race a year for the past 7 years, but we never expected to be going this year thanks to the arrival of our son. As you're all aware, aside from the financial restriction a child places upon your lifestyle, certain activities become practically impossible because, well, they're just not practical. Taking a small baby to a Grand Prix is one such activity. So we had resigned ourselves to a life of watching F1 on the TV (BBC of course) and educating our son in all things Grand Prix until he's old enough to go himself.
Apart from those burdens mentioned, there's also the social gathering element. For the past two months we've been attending a christening almost every two weeks due to friends made in antenatal classes. This weekend was supposed to be another christening, Sarah's to be precise. Now I've nothing against Sarah but her parents are very proud of her and are convinced she's a genius. Whilst most of us at these gatherings just catch up and swap stories, Sarah's parents are very, very competitive and conversation can easily turn into a game of one-upmanship. At a previous christening we were privilege to Sarah feeding herself for the first time with a spoon. Parents suitably proud, asking if everyone saw her. We did. We also saw the spoon find its way into her eye, ear, hair, just about everywhere, thus making this achievement more of a fluke rather than intentional. That hasn't stopped them proclaiming that "Sarah is now feeding herself like a grown up!” which prompted me to remark "That if you're so confident about that why is she using a rubber spoon? Why not give her a fork?" Which prompted my wife to swiftly elbow me in the ribs...Anyway, we were due to go to her christening until a phone call on Thursday.
My work means I have contact with a certain energy drink company who also run an F1 team in their spare time. A friend at said company who knows we're big fans asked if we fancied 2 tickets to this weekend’s grand prix in Belgium. Turned out some competition winners couldn't go and they would just go to waste otherwise. Reluctantly I refused, stating Daddy duty.
I mentioned what had happened to my wife who also mentioned it to her mother when she called. The mother-in-law lives in Ireland so this wasn't ‘fishing for a babysitter’ type call, but just something mentioned in conversation. In what was quite a surprise she volunteered to babysit "we very rarely get to see Jake and you two could probably use a break. We can get a cheap flight and be there tomorrow." So while they're sorting out travel arrangements I'm ringing my friend to see if those tickets were still going, they were. Off to Spa we were heading.
So there we are soaking up the atmosphere and the glorious Beligian beer in a bar in Francorchamps when Jake Humphrey, David Coulthard and Eddie Jordan arrive in a motor home. We couldn't believe our luck. They were filming one of the bits that open the coverage, chatting to people and being very nice. My wife was chatting to a member of the production crew telling them how we ended up there and that our son is called Jake too, after Mr Humphrey. He then volunteered to introduce us. Obviously they're filming everything and then it hits us. We're meant to be attending a christening. At least we were until Jake ‘got ill’ and the doctor advised us to ‘keep him inside’ and away from other children for ‘a few days’. That was the story we'd used anyway. But what parents leave their sick child and go get drunk in a small Belgian village? Other than bad Belgian villagers?
A plan was hatched. If we were going to be filmed we'd make sure it would never be aired. We got introduced and turned into the dullest people on the planet. Unimpressed, single word answers were all we spoke. Jake was polite because he's a nice man and he tried his best to engage us to no avail. He moved on to talk to people who it seemed actually wanted to be there. Needless to say we arrived home, checked iPlayer and we're not in it.
Father Simon we do not ask forgiveness from our son for willingly using him in a lie. I'm sure it won't be the last time and I'm sure that as parents you've all done the same at some point. We do not ask forgiveness from Sarah or her parents. I’m sure we'll get the story of how when the water touched her head it miraculously changed into wine. We do not ask forgiveness from Mr Humphrey as our eternal regret of not being able to talk with him properly is punishment enough.
We do seek forgiveness from one of your BBC colleagues however. Who after introducing a couple who just minutes before we happy, jovial and eager to meet Mr Humphrey, probably couldn't understand what happened. Who may have had to answer the question of "why did you think they'd be good?"