Music Played13 items
Michael Jackson Wanna Be Startin' Something
The Essential Michael Jackson, Epic, 7
Emilia Mitiku So Wonderful
I Belong To You, Warner Bros, 1
Pink Floyd Another Brick In The Wall
Pink Floyd, Harvest
Deacon Blue The Hipsters
(CD Single), Edsel Recordings, 1
Paolo Nutini New Shoes
(CD Single), Atlantic
Noisettes That Girl
Jerry Lee Lewis High School Confidential
The Essential One & Only Jerry Lee Le, Trax Records
Depeche Mode Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence
(CD Single), Mute Records
Yes Don't Kill The Whale
fun. Some Nights
Some Nights, Atlantic
The Korgis Everybody's Got To Learn Sometime
The Gold Album (Various Artists), The Hit Label Ltd, 1
Nell Bryden Sirens
(CD Single), 157 Records, 1
George Thorogood & The Destroyers Bad To The Bone
100% Blues & Soul (Various Artists), Telstar, 4
Confession: The Godmother
Dear Father Simon and Assembled Collective,
This sad and sorry tale comes from this year’s August Bank Holiday weekend and whilst I am mindful that you probably have a backlog of confessions requiring absolution I hope that the following will demonstrate your show as being not only truly wonderful but also bang up to date.
The incident in question occurred in Cambridge where we were staying to attend my brother and his wife’s twin boys Christening – let’s call them Pam and Nath – probably best to as those are their names.
We all had a very enjoyable, spiritual and uplifting weekend. It was wonderful to meet others members of the family and to mingle whilst drinking glasses of fizz and eating Christening cake on the lawn whilst watching others get steadily merrier on the bouncy castle. A perfect weekend – until at least to the following day.
As Godmother I take my duties seriously so whilst Pam nipped out to get some bits and bobs I had used my time to tidy, dust and vacuum the house. I washed the kitchen floor and cleaned their cooker range – all was sweet. My two boys watched the twins and I decided to have a leisurely shower. This is where the foul deed occurred...
In Pamela’s very beautiful guest en suite I found some very exotic Dead Sea Mud Body Peel (who doesn’t root through their sister in law’s bathroom cabinet?) I therefore decided to go for the whole deal, face mask, body mask and general pampering session.
All was well as I mixed the green mud in the sink, totally ignoring the bit that said DO NOT ALLOW MUD TO GO INTO THE DRAIN. This was, after all a very modern house with modern new drains.
After a while I sloshed away the remains of the mud and was pleased to see it disappear without a trace. I then stepped into the bath and started to wash away the body peel under the shower. It took some time and I was surprised to see that the mud had become more like green PVA glue – soon I was up to my knees in water – the drain totally blocked. Panic set in as I tried to dislodge bits of mud with combs and toothbrushes from the blocked drain.
Frantically I called for my youngest son to get a stick, a skewer, a drill., anything to unblock the bathplug. The water finally began to drain away but there was still almost six inches to go when the drain blocked completely.
Downstairs Pam had returned with members of the Mother and Baby Club – tea and more Christening cake were being distributed and I was stuck upstairs still covered in mud.
Using two rather lovely towels I managed to clean myself off whilst sending my hubby to look in the garage and under the sink for drain unblocker, but no to joy. Finally I too ventured downstairs and slipped out into the garden to root around in the garage myself when I noticed that Pamela’s neighbour was also visiting with her new born son. A quick scurry through the hedge and I had investigated her house – nothing under her sink – not a drop of caustic soda to be had.
Back upstairs I then used three of Pam’s beautiful, deep fluffy enormous towels, my nightdress and a bumper pack of kitchen roll to soak up the ever solidifying muddy water. Finally the water had gone and the bath looked pristine. The towels and the nightdress were smuggled into the bin along with a paper mountain of used kitchen roll. A frantic call to my husband to buy drain unblocker was made, and we left soon after with no one being the wiser.
I therefore beg forgiveness from Pamela for using her best bath products, for blocking her drains and from wantonly destroying her beautiful fluffy towels. I beg forgiveness from the mother and baby club members who no doubt thought I was insane as I rooted around in garages, barefoot and dripping, and ignored their friendly enquiries. I beg forgiveness for not knowing which recycling bin to put the mud in so causing yet more land fill.
Incidentally I did have the courage to phone my brother at work when we were two hours down the road as I was terrified that Pam would bath the twins and somehow burn them with the drain unblocker; he was very understanding and said that drain always blocked and not to worry – I decided not to tell him that whilst babysitting his two precious sons the previous day I had lost one of them for a good five minutes in one of the flower beds...
I hope the Drivetime Collective could find it in their hearts to forgive this sorry Godmother; if they do I may be tempted to ask for forgiveness for my blocked toilet and handbag story – but that is for another time...