Music Played13 items
Robbie Williams Let Me Entertain You
Now 39 (Various Artists), Now
Status Quo The Winner
(CD Single), Fourth Chord Records, 1
The Beatles Getting Better
Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Apple, 4
Lynyrd Skynyrd Last of a Dyin' Breed
Yvonne Fair It Should Have Been Me
The Motown Collection (Disc 2), Telstar
Scissor Sisters Baby Come Home
Magic Hour, Polydor, 1
Argent Hold Your Head Up
(Single), Epic, 2
George Michael Outside
George Michael - Ladies & Gentlemen, Epic
Gerry Rafferty Get It Right Next Time
The Very Best Of Gerry Rafferty, Polygram Tv
Kenny Wayne Shepherd Butterfly
How I Go, Roadrunner, 1
Gossip Move In The Right Direction
A Joyful Noise, Columbia, 1
Etta James I Just Want To Make Love To You
Etta James- The Genuine Article, Mca/Chess
Today's Confession: Everybody Wants To Be A Cat
Father Simon and the beloved brothers and sisters.
I have been wanting to get this confession off my chest for 20 years. This misdeed happened back in my early days of parenting when times were tough and instead of taking in washing to support my family, I took in children. My daughter was born in March 1992 and my husband was made redundant two weeks before her birth. I was on maternity leave, but back in those days, SMP (Statutory Maternity Pay) was very little and we were severely broke.
I was a qualified teacher and had, as part of my training, acquired a National Childminding Certificate, so I could run an after school club etc. I decided that, as I was at home anyway with my baby, I would child mind other toddlers during the day to supplement my income. I advertised and duly enrolled two of my friends’ children for my child minding enterprise. It worked out very well, my child had ready made playmates and I was being paid to look after three sweet little tots.
I looked after two little boys the same age as my daughter, one was very calm and friendly and loved coming to our house. The other was, well, "a bit highly strung." Let’s call him Lewis. He was the only child of an extremely anxious single mother, who had been in academia, but had given it up to raise Lewis. She employed me two days a week, not so she could work, but so she could attend pilates, assertiveness courses etc. She was really strict about his diet, and brought him up as a vegan, so I could only feed him organic, gluten free items (very difficult to find in 1992).
She checked what I fed him every day, I had to keep a food diary and only put him in terry nappies, so to say she was a pain is a bit of an understatement. Anyway, unfortunately Lewis spent all day, every day crying. This was very unsettling for the other toddlers, but everything I tried was useless. The only thing that stopped him was feeding him biscuits - completely forbidden by Lewis's mother. I tired making organic rusks, drying bananas, everything, the only thing that stopped him yelling was a custard cream! You may think this confession is about biscuit abuse, but I'm afraid Father Simon it's worse than that.
One terrible day the rain was pounding down, we couldn't go out, the toddlers were fractious and Lewis had been wailing all morning. I had tried him on the banned biscuits but nothing was working. I was sitting on the sofa reading to the other two when I realised that the crying had stopped. Lewis was completely silent.
Where was he? I went out to the kitchen to investigate and was met with the sight of Lewis stuffing whole handfuls of cat food into his mouth…
Unbeknown to me, my husband had fed our cat, who of course hadn't eaten it. Lewis, bored of my storytelling skills had crawled through to the kitchen and was devouring the whole bowl! He wasn't even a vegetarian, he was a vegan! His mother would have self-combusted and sued me if she'd known.
So I seek forgiveness for undoing all the mother's careful diet control, for the faint smell of chicken that remained on Lewis when he returned home, for the outrageous nappy she would have had to change later, and for never feeding Lewis cat food again. Because he was a natural meat eater, he didn't cry any more that day with a tummy full of rotten cat food. I don't know what happened to the mother in the end, but I hope Lewis grew up to be a rare steak man!