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09/07/2012

Duration:
1 hour, 55 minutes
First broadcast:
Monday 09 July 2012

Simon and the team welcomed author Eoin Colfer to our Radio 2 Book Club and we talked monsoons with weather presenter Nina Ridge...

Our Confession today was called "Everybody Wants To Be A Cat" and we played your oldie suggestions for Andy Murray.

Plus Matt Williams talked to former Tour de France rider, Graham Jones, about this year's race.

Music Played

13 items
  • Image for Robbie Williams

    Robbie Williams Let Me Entertain You

    Now 39 (Various Artists), Now

  • Image for Status Quo

    Status Quo The Winner

    (CD Single), Fourth Chord Records, 1

  • Image for The Beatles

    The Beatles Getting Better

    Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Apple, 4

  • Image for Lynyrd Skynyrd

    Lynyrd Skynyrd Last of a Dyin' Breed

  • Image for Yvonne Fair

    Yvonne Fair It Should Have Been Me

    The Motown Collection (Disc 2), Telstar

  • Image for Scissor Sisters

    Scissor Sisters Baby Come Home

    Magic Hour, Polydor, 1

  • Image for Argent

    Argent Hold Your Head Up

    (Single), Epic, 2

  • Image for George Michael

    George Michael Outside

    George Michael - Ladies & Gentlemen, Epic

  • Image for Gerry Rafferty

    Gerry Rafferty Get It Right Next Time

    The Very Best Of Gerry Rafferty, Polygram Tv

  • Image for Kenny Wayne Shepherd

    Kenny Wayne Shepherd Butterfly

    How I Go, Roadrunner, 1

  • Image for Roy Orbison

    Roy Orbison and k.d. lang Crying

    Pure Rock Ballads (Various Artists), Polygram Tv

  • Gossip Move In The Right Direction

    A Joyful Noise, Columbia, 1

  • Image for Etta James

    Etta James I Just Want To Make Love To You

    Etta James- The Genuine Article, Mca/Chess

  • Today's Confession: Everybody Wants To Be A Cat

    Father Simon and the beloved brothers and sisters.

    I have been wanting to get this confession off my chest for 20 years. This misdeed happened back in my early days of parenting when times were tough and instead of taking in washing to support my family, I took in children. My daughter was born in March 1992 and my husband was made redundant two weeks before her birth. I was on maternity leave, but back in those days, SMP (Statutory Maternity Pay) was very little and we were severely broke.

    I was a qualified teacher and had, as part of my training, acquired a National Childminding Certificate, so I could run an after school club etc. I decided that, as I was at home anyway with my baby, I would child mind other toddlers during the day to supplement my income. I advertised and duly enrolled two of my friends’ children for my child minding enterprise. It worked out very well, my child had ready made playmates and I was being paid to look after three sweet little tots.

    I looked after two little boys the same age as my daughter, one was very calm and friendly and loved coming to our house. The other was, well, "a bit highly strung." Let’s call him Lewis. He was the only child of an extremely anxious single mother, who had been in academia, but had given it up to raise Lewis. She employed me two days a week, not so she could work, but so she could attend pilates, assertiveness courses etc. She was really strict about his diet, and brought him up as a vegan, so I could only feed him organic, gluten free items (very difficult to find in 1992).

    She checked what I fed him every day, I had to keep a food diary and only put him in terry nappies, so to say she was a pain is a bit of an understatement. Anyway, unfortunately Lewis spent all day, every day crying. This was very unsettling for the other toddlers, but everything I tried was useless. The only thing that stopped him was feeding him biscuits - completely forbidden by Lewis's mother. I tired making organic rusks, drying bananas, everything, the only thing that stopped him yelling was a custard cream! You may think this confession is about biscuit abuse, but I'm afraid Father Simon it's worse than that.

    One terrible day the rain was pounding down, we couldn't go out, the toddlers were fractious and Lewis had been wailing all morning. I had tried him on the banned biscuits but nothing was working. I was sitting on the sofa reading to the other two when I realised that the crying had stopped. Lewis was completely silent.
    Where was he? I went out to the kitchen to investigate and was met with the sight of Lewis stuffing whole handfuls of cat food into his mouth…

    Unbeknown to me, my husband had fed our cat, who of course hadn't eaten it. Lewis, bored of my storytelling skills had crawled through to the kitchen and was devouring the whole bowl! He wasn't even a vegetarian, he was a vegan! His mother would have self-combusted and sued me if she'd known.

    So I seek forgiveness for undoing all the mother's careful diet control, for the faint smell of chicken that remained on Lewis when he returned home, for the outrageous nappy she would have had to change later, and for never feeding Lewis cat food again. Because he was a natural meat eater, he didn't cry any more that day with a tummy full of rotten cat food. I don't know what happened to the mother in the end, but I hope Lewis grew up to be a rare steak man!

    Mrs Tinks.

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