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01/05/2012

Duration:
1 hour, 55 minutes
First broadcast:
Tuesday 01 May 2012

Simon and the team bring you another great show, with top tunes and the usual banter, and live chat from Genesis keyboard player Tony Banks.

We'll put a brand new confession to the colossal Collective and take on the homework that's giving you a headache.

Plus, Rebecca Pike keeps us up-to-date with the money news, Sally Boazman has the latest travel and Matt Williams has eyes and ears all over today's sport.

Music Played

12 items
  • Image for Todd Rundgren

    Todd Rundgren I Saw The Light

    My Girl (Original 1992 Film S/Track), Epic

  • Image for Emin

    Emin Baby Get Higher

    (CD Single), Saffron, 1

  • Image for Steeleye Span

    Steeleye Span All Around My Hat

    The Best Of Steeleye Span, Chrysalis

  • Image for Travis

    Travis Flowers In The Window

    (CD Single), Independiente

  • Image for Bee Gees

    Bee Gees The First Of May

    Bee Gees - Their Greatest Hits, Polydor

  • Image for Thea Gilmore

    Thea Gilmore and Sandy Denny London

    (CD Single), Mighty Village, 1

  • Image for The Beatles

    The Beatles Help!

    The Beatles - 1, Apple, 1

  • Image for Average White Band

    Average White Band Let's Go Round Again

    25 Years Of Rock `n' Roll - 1980, Connoisseur

  • Image for Tony Banks

    Tony Banks Still Waters (extract)

  • Image for Terry Wogan

    Terry Wogan The Floral Dance

    Terry Wogan's Greatest Hits (Vol.2), Philips

  • Image for Rebecca Ferguson

    Rebecca Ferguson Glitter & Gold

    Heaven, Sony

  • Image for Kenny Ball

    Kenny Ball Midnight In Moscow

    Sleepy Shores - Instrumental Classics, Old Gold

  • Jazz Showstopper Choice

    Do you want to chose what song we finish the show with tonight?


    OPTION A : Kenny Ball - Midnight in Moscow
    OPTION B : Dinah Washington – Call Me Irresponsible
    OPTION C : Ian Shaw – Chelsea Morning
    OPTION D : Louis Prima/Keely Smith – That Old Black Magic


    Text the word ‘JAZZ’ plus your choice A, B, C or D – with NO GAPS - to 88291. Texts are charged at your standard message rate.

    For all of today's showstopper choices go to bbc.co.uk/radio2 and click on the Simon Mayo Drivetime link on the top right hand side to take you to today’s show page. Voting closes at 6.45pm.

    Join Jamie Cullum for the best in jazz after 7.

  • A Bit of Fry and Folly

    Dear Father Simon and collective,

    I write to you in the hope that you will be able to release me from the guilt I have felt for the last 15 years. I was working as a newly-qualified teacher in a little village primary school in the depths of darkest Norfolk when the incident in question occurred. I was very enthusiastic in my job at the time and when the school musical came about I was keen to help in anyway needed. I’ve been involved in many productions since at other schools but none have compared to the vast ambitiousness of the yearly occurrences at this little primary.

    Ofsted would frown if they knew the devotion (and ignorance of other subjects) that was put into the show: For the whole term leading up to it the hall was virtually out of use to everything else with a mammoth stage erected taking up a full half of the room (and making indoor PE lessons extremely difficult). Children with main roles seemed to miss the majority of their lessons during this time also, which I’m not sure the parents realised. It turned out that there was a lot of tradition involved in which jobs adults did and my help was only needed looking after the unruly group of juniors back stage – not the excitement I was hoping for.

    The performance this year was to be Bugsy Malone and great excitement went through the school and village when it was revealed that a celebrity was coming to watch the performance, none other than the lovely Stephen Fry (whose parents were close friends with the head of governors). All my enthusiasm for the show returned when I realised I might meet this great man who I had always greatly admired (and even fancied a bit as a teenager watching Fry & Laurie).

    When the anticipated day arrived, Stephen Fry turned out to be as lovely as I had anticipated. The show was going well and during the interval Stephen & a friend came backstage to meet the cast and staff. I was introduced as the member of staff looking after the children backstage. Stephen warmly shook my hand and then moved on to the next person. His companion must have heard what my role was as when Stephen continued round the room he took me to the side with a request.

    Bugsy Malone is well known for its foam spraying splurge guns. For the purposes of this production said splurge guns were made from a cut-out piece of plywood painted black, with a shaving foam can attached to it. They made a brief appearance in the first half of the show, but anyone who knows the story will know that it is in the final act that they are really let loose with virtually everyone on stage using one.

    Stephens’s companion obviously knew the story well as his request was that, at the final curtain call one member of the cast would cover Stephen in foam. Feeling honoured to be involved in such a joke involving the great Stephen Fry I quickly agreed and kept it secret from other staff. The second half started and I considered how I was going to put the plan into action. I looked around the room and spotted what I thought was a reasonably sensible Year 6 boy who was a member of Fat Sams gang and therefore possessed a splurge gun. I quietly explained the plan to him: that at the final bow he was allowed to squirt a little foam over Stephen and to keep this quiet- he readily agreed. However within less than five minutes every boy in the room who possessed a splurge gun came pleading to me to be allowed to join in with the joke.

    “That’s it!” I said, “no one is going to squirt foam at Stephen Fry now. You’ve ruined the joke!” The boys all walked away with long faces. It was then that I thought to myself it was such a shame that this great joke that everyone would appreciate was not going to take place. I thought about the laugh Stephen and I would have together as I was introduced as the clever prankster behind the jape and decided that it really should go ahead.

    I called back the original splurge gun-wielding boy, feeling that from the disappointment on his face that he really had learnt his lesson about blabbing and informed him that the original plan could go ahead. This was on the condition that he kept it completely secret and made sure he only sprayed Stephen with a little shaving foam. This time no other boys came up to me and I felt that my plan was destined for success.

    Now it was a matter of waiting backstage for the end of the show and the gales of laughter as Stephen Fry was sprayed with shaving foam. This unfortunately was not what occurred. Instead of laughter I suddenly heard a thundering of steps as numerous members of staff came running backstage shouting and looking for towels. The story was relayed that all the boys with splurge guns had soaked the entire front three rows of the audience and completely emptied their cans of shaving foam. The angry staff went back to offer tea towels and various rags to the rather shocked and soggy audience members and also to berate the mischievous cast members.

    During all this time I kept quiet not revealing my part in all this and waiting for the boy to say “But Miss said I could” which thankfully never came.

    So Simon I beg forgiveness, for letting all those unsuspecting and specially invited local important community members in their smartest (and probably dry clean only) clothes be covered in shaving foam. For keeping quiet and letting those young boys take all the blame. For allowing my fellow staff members take all the stress of seeing the audience soaked by children in their care.

    And finally from Stephen Fry although I’m sure he didn’t mind and I never heard that he complained. He later presented me with a raffle prize of a plastic measuring jug – which I still have and think of him as I microwave beans in it.

    Tallulah

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