Music Played13 items
Simon & Garfunkel Mrs Robinson
The Definitive Simon & Garfunkel, Columbia
Marlon Roudette New Age
(CD Single), Universal, 1
Dire Straits Romeo & Juliet
The No.1 Love Album (Various Artists, Polygram Tv
Charles & Eddie Would I Lie To You?
Duets - 36 Of The World's Greatest Ev, Telstar
Elvis Presley Are You Lonesome Tonight?
Presley - The All Time Greatest Hits, RCA
Morten Harket Scared Of Heights
(CD Single), Wrasse Records, 3
Queen Killer Queen
Queen - Greatest Hits, Parlophone, 2
Billy Joel It's Still Rock & Roll To Me
Billy Joel - Greatest Hits Vol.2, CBS
The Verve Sonnet
Now 40 (Various Artists), Now
Keane Silenced By The Night
(CD Single), Island, 1
R. Dean Taylor There's A Ghost In My House
And They Danced The Night Away, Debutante
Joe Bonamassa I Don't Believe
Today's Confession: Shell Shock
Dear Simon and crew,
We had lovely neighbours when I was growing up, one side were a family
with four children and a Labrador that wet itself every time the doorbell rang, but that's another story!
On the other side was an elderly and fairly eccentric couple, let's call them Bertie and Madge. Madge was an artist and Bertie was a retired Wing
Commander- we knew this as there was a plaque on his garden shed with
his title! Madge and Bertie had found each other later in life and so didn't have children, and this may explain why their pets were very dear to them.
Living next door to three teenagers could have been fairly awful but we were well brought up and polite, unfortunately our parents weren't so good with the pets. Our big black cat, Jasper was always hungry and found it very helpful that he could visit the neighbour’s house via their cat-flap and demolish their cat’s food virtually on a daily basis. Their cats, Dinkie-Do and Shandy Pandy (honestly!) were delicate little things and never challenged him.
Our Daschund also thought it his job, not only to bark really loudly at Bertie every time Bertie came out into his garden, (which annoyed Bertie no end) but also to help himself to the occasional goldfish from their pond. Sounds unlikely I know, but the pond was very shallow in places. As if that wasn't enough our Golden Retriever thought it very clever to retrieve their Tortoises and bring them to our house to show us.
As you will know retrievers have 'soft' mouths and so don't really cause any harm to the tortoise but every time this happened, because my mother was embarrassed she would take the tortoise to the vet to get it checked.
Well this started to get expensive, so after about three visits to the vet with said tortoise and knowing that our neighbours weren’t at home, the next time it happened mum crept over the fence and put the tortoise back in his/her ( not really sure to be honest) run, having checked first that it seemed to be OK.
A few days later, chatting over the fence with Madge, she told Mum how
she had had a terrible shock the day before when she went to let the two
tortoises out, only to find that there was now three! She said she thought she was losing her marbles and counted out loud many times before she was certain that her tortoises appeared to have had a baby. Bigger than they were. But isn't nature wonderful?
I can't tell you what happened to that extra Tortoise because we moved away shortly afterwards and mum was too embarrassed to admit what she’d done, but both families stayed friends and our neighbours even came to stay with my parents at their new house, too embarrassed to ever admit what had happened. We settled on the original two tortoises taking pity on a passing tortoise and inviting it to be part of a threesome. Like the 3 Musketeers you understand, not anything else that may have just sprung to mind…
I’d like to seek forgiveness Simon. Firstly from Bertie and Madge for our badly behaved pets and secondly to the poor child who lost their tortoise and never knew it had found two new shell-mates somewhere nearby, and thirdly for not having the guts to admit what had happened to our elderly neighbours, who frankly deserved better.
I await your decision with trepidation…
Jane in Devon xx