Music Played12 items
Philip Bailey and Phil Collins Easy Lover
Phil Collins ...Hits, Virgin
Caro Emerald Stuck
(CD Single), Dramatico, 1
Buffalo Springfield For What It's Worth
Buffalo Springfield, Atlantic
Empire of the Sun We Are The People
(CD Single), Virgin, 1
T’Pau China In Your Hand
The 80's Love Album (Various Artists, Virgin
Nickelback When We Stand Together
(CD Single), Roadrunner, 1
Alexander O'Neal Fake '88
The Greatest Hits Of Alexander O'Neal, Epic
Traveling Wilburys Handle With Care
(CD Single), Wilbury
Seal Wishing On A Star
Soul 2, Warner Bros, 1
Jessie J Price Tag
(CD Single), Lava Records, 1
Bob Dylan I Want You
Bob Dylan - Greatest Hits, Columbia
Confession: Help Yourself
Dear Father Simon and the gathered assembly of confessional acolytes,
I am but a humble member of your congregation who is well known amongst
family, friends and colleagues as an honest salt of the earth, wouldn't say boo etc type of chap. However, I have a wicked side !
I have a bit of a phobia involving a very large out of town furniture / houseware store which originated in Sweden. You know the one. My problem is that when I get inside the store a hint of claustrophobia overtakes me.
Unfortunately, my wife loves going there and we have an understanding, this
being she says "Can we go there? ", I pull a face and have a bit of a
moan...we then go there, I ask "Can I stay in the car or at least wait in the cafe" but invariably I end up in the store in a bit of a mood.
So, one day a few years ago it was decided we needed a small desk for
our son to perch his computer on and get on with his homework. The
store in question had just the thing and off we set one fateful
Saturday morning to make our purchase. The store was packed, parking was an issue, it was heaving inside and I could sense my feeling of dread welling up. Nevertheless we made our way along the designated route to the desk department where we had a look at the item on display. It was not the actual colour we wanted but we felt sure when we got to the flat pack warehouse we could pick up the exact item and leave without further ado.
However, when we got to the warehouse they were....OUT OF STOCK !!!
This was a disaster as it meant the journey had been wasted and
worse still, I would have to come back again. I found an assistant and made some enquiries to be told "Oh, thats odd, our system says that there should be one still in the store, perhaps someone has picked it up but not gone through the checkout yet. Never mind, we will have some in again next weekend".
So disappointed, disgruntled and by now in a bit of a flap my wife and
I set off to leave the store......It was then that I saw it...and hatched my dastardly plan. An elderly couple were shuffling along just ahead of us, pushing a trolley and stopping to browse every now and again. But this was not just any trolley, oh no, it contained the very desk we wanted.
I mentioned to my wife, "Er, why don’t you go ahead darling, I just want to
have one last look around and I will meet you at the checkouts in a
few minutes.’ Off she went. I bided my time, I held back, I looked nonchalant, I might have even whistled absent-mindedly.... and then pounced.
The elderly couple had wandered up an isle looking at some Swedish household implement or other and left the trolley momentarily unattended at the end of the row. I found an empty trolley and in a trice had the desk out of theirs and into mine. It was a smooth deft lift, swing and drop, seamless, soundless, a move that a ninja warrior would have been proud of.
I set off at a trot with the trolley straight to the checkout. I passed my wife on the way and swept her along with the cry...’LEG IT!’. There was some bewildered protest from her but I was on a mission and paid no attention and she clearly was (for once) dumbstruck. We paid for the desk in record time, swept through the car park, loaded up and were gone. Only then did I mention to her what was going on.
So Father Simon, I beg forgiveness from the poor elderly couple who may even now wonder what happened to the desk, also from the store staff who had some explaining to do and finally from my wife who was made to be an unwilling accomplice in this nasty, mean and selfish act.
As I said at the beginning this is totally out of character for me....except perhaps for that last bottle of Gin that was on special offer in the supermarket one Christmas Eve that I found in a rival trolley.
Honestly, never again!