iPlayer Radio What's New?
Image for 10/10/2011

Sorry, this episode is not currently available on BBC iPlayer Radio


1 hour, 55 minutes
First broadcast:
Monday 10 October 2011

Simon's guest is the novelist and screenwriter Frank Cottrell Boyce. Best known for his collaborations with film director Michael Winterbottom, the award-winning children's author has written 3 new Chitty Bang Bang stories, at the request of the family of original author Ian Fleming. Plus, the team pass judgement on a Confession, and you can help Simon choose a suitably Bluesy Showstopper.

Music Played

12 items
  • Image for ABBA

    ABBA Lay All Your Love On Me

    Abba Gold (40th Anniversary Edition), Polar, 005

  • Image for Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds

    Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds A.K.A... What A Life!

    (CD Single), Sour Mash Records, 1

  • Image for Lynn Anderson

    Lynn Anderson Rose Garden


    Million Sellers Vol.15 - The Seventie, Disky

  • Image for Eagles

    Eagles Take It Easy

    The Best Of Eagles, Asylum

  • Image for Andrew Gold

    Andrew Gold Thank You For Being A Friend

    Jukebox 70's Hits -I Got The Music In, Old Gold

  • Image for Dionne Bromfield

    Dionne Bromfield Ouch That Hurt

    Good For The Soul, Island, 1

  • Image for Dave Edmunds

    Dave Edmunds I Hear You Knocking

    The Greatest Hits Of 1970 (Various), Premier, 4

  • Image for Starship

    Starship We Built This City

    Now 1985 (Various Artists), Now, 1

  • Image for The Kane Gang

    The Kane Gang Respect Yourself

  • Image for Matt Cardle

    Matt Cardle Run For Your Life

    (CD Single), Columbia, 1

  • Image for Robert Plant

    Robert Plant and Alison Krauss Please Read The Letter

    (CD Single), Rounder Records

  • Image for Robert Cray

    Robert Cray Right Next Door (Because Of Me)

    Greatest Hits & More, Visom

  • Confession - Snap Out of It

    Dear Father Simon and the wise and hopefully forgiving collective,

    My confession dates back to 2004, whilst on holiday with my then
    darling fiancé.

    Many months earlier we had decided to book a holiday to Portugal to
    coincide with the European Football Championships. It was our hope
    that England would progress to the later stages of the competition and
    therefore we could watch our national team with pride in the
    atmosphere of the host nation.

    Unfortunately this was not to be as Portugal knocked England out of the
    competition 2 days prior to our arrival. This was indeed a body blow,
    but instead of sulking that our best made plans had gone to waste, we
    decided that this could actually turn out to be a good thing. We would
    now adopt the Portuguese national team and join in the revelries as
    and when they won.

    The first 4 days of our holiday were like most trips we took, we
    toured the local attractions, visited the sights and sampled
    everything that the Algarve had to offer. In order to remind ourselves
    of these wonderful days we took many many photographs on our newly
    purchased digital camera.

    On the Wednesday evening we ventured into the main street of our
    resort and settled down in one of the many busy bars to watch the semi final between Portugal and Holland. We were not let down, our temporarily adopted nation won the game 2-1 and what followed was breathtaking.

    The streets were awash with Red and Green as the country celebrated
    their reaching the final. Everywhere you looked people were dancing,
    cheering and hugging each other, a truly amazing sight. And we took
    many many more photographs again with our newly acquired digital camera.

    As the evening progressed, we consumed quite a few alcoholic
    refreshments which I’m afraid to say made us a little tipsy. We
    staggered back to our hotel and ventured onto the room balcony where
    my fiance noticed an incredibly large and bright moon that shone above
    the Mediterranean Sea below. It was a joy to behold Simon. Again, the new digital camera was produced by my fiance. After a few adjustments to set the camera to its highest pixel resolution, my fiance snapped away time and time again before eventually retreating to bed, exhausted from the day’s events.

    I however, stayed up to enjoy one last beer of the night. Something I now regret. Whilst enjoying my cool beer on that warm evening, I decided to have a look back at the photos we had taken so far on our holiday. It has to be said that there were some really great pictures on that camera including over 100 documenting the festivities witnessed that evening. These were the kind of pictures that anyone would be happy to keep as a memento of a great holiday.

    However, also on the camera were many blurred images of the moon,
    images obviously taken through the eyes of a very inebriated young
    lady. These images had no place with the rest of the photographic keepsakes and I decided to remove them immediately.

    Now at this point I should remind you that this was a new camera and
    so I was rather unfamiliar with its settings. After searching the
    ‘options’ menu I finally found the delete button and clicked ok, thus
    ridding me of the horrific moon image.

    Imagine my horror when moments later I realised that instead of
    deleting a single photo I had completely wiped our entire collection
    of holiday snaps. For good. In a panic I quickly took some photos of the moon and placed it back in its protective case. I then went to bed.

    The next morning I was woken by the dreadful sound of my fiance crying her eyes out. She tearfully proceeded to confess that she must have accidently deleted our photos whilst messing around with the settings to capture the moon the previous evening.

    I regret to say that I did not correct her and instead decided to
    comfort her, telling her that I wasn’t mad and that it would all be ok.
    ‘What about the football celebrations? Aren’t you upset?’ she asked, all quivery-lipped watery-eyed. I told her not to worry, that Portugal were bound to beat Greece in the final and that we would have even better photos as a result. Well as Matt will confirm, any football fans out there will know that Portugal went on to lose that final and so we never did replace those celebration photos. And I still failed to own up... until now.

    Seven years has now passed and my fiance is now my wife and mother to
    Our 3 year old son. I hope that revealing this dark secret will lift the
    guilt that has stayed with me all these years and I ask her for forgiveness for not owning up to this terrible deed sooner.

    Thank you



Follow Simon on Playlister


Check out Simon's favourite tracks from his show and around the BBC

Free downloads

  1. Image for Simon Mayo's Confessions

    Simon Mayo's Confessions

    Simon Mayo considers listeners' darkest secrets and worst misdemeanours, as they beg for his…

  2. Image for Weekly Mayo

    Weekly Mayo

    The best bits of Simon Mayo Drivetime on BBC Radio 2, with star guests, audience interactivity,…

BBC © 2014 The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read more.

This page is best viewed in an up-to-date web browser with style sheets (CSS) enabled. While you will be able to view the content of this page in your current browser, you will not be able to get the full visual experience. Please consider upgrading your browser software or enabling style sheets (CSS) if you are able to do so.

Added. Check out your playlist Dismiss