14/06/2011

Confession: "Motormouth"

Dear Father Simon and the collective,

My confession dates back to the swinging sixties and I humbly seek forgiveness although I fear the worst from the Mother Superior.

I had recently purchased a very snazzy Ford Zephyr convertible. It was lilac with leather seats, and the back seat was flat and seemed to go on forever - it was a real babe magnet !! In those irresponsible days, nobody bothered with seat belts and it was usual to sit on other people’s laps, so you could cram bus loads of people into this car especially when the roof was down . (*Now of course, wearing a seatbelt is compulsory by law*)

Well one fine day, myself and a few mates were out cruising around town when we noticed 4 very lovely lady hitch hikers, well, what else were we to do but give those damsels in distress a lift ! Well, there were limbs hanging out everywhere Simon, it was very cozy. I was driving and had a very lovely blonde lady sitting next to me.

Now I should remind listeners that this was back in the days of grainy black and white TV. This very lovely lady leaned across and whispered to me (good impression Simon please) "Oh I love your car, when did you get it?". Keen to impress, an idea suddenly popped into my head and these words tumbled from my mouth. "Oh, I bought it with the royalties from our last single". " Single?!" she said, looking extremely interested. "Are you famous? ". "Oh, you might have heard of us’, I lied - we are The Hollies !". At this point all of the girls swooned and screamed and were more than happy to hang out with us for the rest of the evening!

However, the wheels very nearly came off my story when they asked
us to sing "Bus Stop" to them, high in the Hit Parade at the time, which we did very badly, blaming laryngitis and sore throats from too much rehearsals for our poor rendition. Luckily they believed us and we continued to enjoy their company over the rest of the weekend.

So Simon I must beg forgiveness from the 4 young ladies who
thought they had been out with the famous Hollies and who probably regale their own families with this tale to this day - and from The real
Hollies for using their name and fame for immoral reasons.

Billy