Destiny

“ Not that arsed. Destiny

There are two great tragedies in Destiny's life:

1) That she was born a dog and not for example, Lauren Conrad who used to be in The Hills. Or failing that any of the cast members from Laguna Beach. Or failing that at the absolute, absolute least Charlotte Church, but right now, not when she was all fat and maternal.

2) That her owner Gary always wears that s***ting tracksuit.

At heart, angel-faced perfectly groomed pedigree Destiny is just a sweet teenage romantic.

And like all sweet teenage female romantics, she has the dead-eyed psychotic ruthlessness of a freelance Serbian assassin when it comes to getting what she wants.

Which isn't Nelson. Ever. Ever. Ever-ever-ever.

And yes, she's aware that unrequited love is also a sitcom cliché.