Music Played13 items
Fleetwood Mac Don't Stop
The Very Best Of Fleetwood Mac, Warner Strategic Marketi, 2
The Bryan Ferry Orchestra Alphaville
Olympia, Virgin, 1
Queen Another One Bites The Dust
The Game, Island, 3
Robert Palmer Looking For Clues
The Very Best Of Robert Palmer, EMI
Taio Cruz & Kylie Minogue Higher
(CD Single), Universal, 1
The Animals We've Gotta Get Out Of This Place
The Greatest Hits Of 1965, Premier
New Radicals You Get What You Give
(CD Single), MCA
Olivia Newton-John Banks Of The Ohio
The Best Of, EMI, 10
Duran Duran All You Need Is Now
(CD Single), EMI, 3
Sophie Ellis-Bextor Murder On The Dancefloor
(CD Single), Polydor
Motörhead Ace Of Spades
Rock Anthems Volume 2 (Various), Dino
James Taylor Carolina In My Mind
James Taylor - Classic Songs, CBS
Confession: Ale Mary
Dear Father Simon and the Ordinate
My confession is of something that I have borne with guilty conscience
particularly now I am a 'respectable' member of society and vicar of
a rural parish - a person who is (unreasonably perhaps) expected to be
It occurred when I was a young man working his way through college and
supplementing my income with a job at a well known supermarket. I worked in the coffee shop - a relatively cushy number as we were not checkout trained and were left to our own devices.
The incident in question occurred the weekend of my 21st Birthday
which happily coincided with a work summer party at the aforementioned
As work parties go it was what one might expect given that much of the work force were aged between 18 & 22. To avoid unseemly behaviour the personnel department made sure drinks were carefully rationed by a tightly controlled voucher system. All well and good - except in an uncharacteristic show of both bravado and resourcefulness I managed to obtain a large number of vouchers from folk who I knew were either not attending or were designated drivers. As a result it is possible my judgement was impaired when the main crux of my confession occurred.
As the party had progressed much of the revelry had migrated from the
canteen to the outside loading bay which was down some cast-iron
With my plethora of drinks vouchers I ended up making a large number
of trips up to the bar and down to the loading bay. It was on one of these trips that the incident occurred. One of the lasses, lets call her Vicki, whom I worked with in the Coffee Shop, was also traversing the stairs - she had made an extra special effort that night - presumably to impress a young man from the Deli who we all knew she quite liked.
Her dress was elegant, her make up sublimely applied and her hair had
clearly had hours spent on it - she really had got the attention of the
said lad and all seemed to be going her way. Suddenly without any
thought for this situation a mad thought occurred to me. Following Vicki down the stairs with my umpteenth pint of dodgy supermarket own brand bitter my addled brain saw that her elegant dress creased outwards at the back of her neck, almost it seemed as a glass jug does at its spout. The collision of this imagery, the un-needed pint in my hand and the total lack of judgement experienced only by the well-oiled led to only one conclusion:
I was meant, perhaps even called to, nay it was my duty to, pour the
pint down the pouring spout of her dress. The sobering scream that followed has haunted by dreams. Not just of poor Vicki, but also of the couple below stair case who were canoodling as the flood of beer went down her back and through the holes in the stairway and all over their heads.
Given the throng of people using the path to the bar, I, the Assailant, was unidentifiable and Vicki was completely dumbfounded over the next few weeks as she endeavored to find the perpetrator of this heinous deed.
Father Simon, I seek forgiveness for the act of abusing the system to
get more than my allotted allowance of alcohol. I seek forgiveness for
ruining a fine dress and for the couple so rudely interrupted, and for the cowardly act of not owning up afterwards. But most of all I seek forgiveness for the ruining of what was a blossoming romance, for Vicki fled the party
and her young man from the Deli found pastures new in her absence. I
can but guess what happiness may have been had her evening not been
brought to such a shocking and untimely end.
Yours, in utter anguish.