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Visitors Guide to Ireland
Ireland is an island to the west of Britain but Northern Ireland is just off the mainland – not the Irish mainland, the British mainland
The capital of Ireland is Dublin. It has a population of a million people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They travel to Newry because it is in the north, which is not part of Ireland, but still pay in Euros
Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland. It has a population of half a million most of who have houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the north but not in the north. It is in the south. No, the south, the south
There are two parliaments in Ireland. The Dublin parliament is called the Dáil,(pronounced “Doyle”), an Irish word meaning a place where banks receive taxpayers’ money. The one in Belfast is called Stormont, an Anglo-Saxon word meaning placebo, or deliberately ineffective drug.
Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary line on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump chemical waste.
Travel between the two states is complicated because Ireland is the only country in the world with two M1 motorways. The one in the North goes west to avoid the south and the one in the south goes north to avoid the price of drink.
We have two types of democracy in Ireland. Dublin democracy works by holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the result.
If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum is held again. Twice in recent years the government decided the people’s choice was wrong and ordered a new referendum.
Belfast democracy works differently; it has a parliament with no opposition so the government is always right. This system generates envy in many world capitals especially Dublin.
Ireland has three economies – northern southern and black. Only the black economy is in the black. The other two are in the red