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Last broadcast on Sat, 11 Jul 2009, 09:00 on BBC Radio 4.
Synopsis
Real life stories in which listeners talk about the issues that matter to them. Rev Richard Coles is joined by James Palumbo, the founder of the Ministry of Sound nightclub and brand. With poetry from Kate Fox.
Studio Guest :: James Palumbo
James Palumbo is the man from the Ministry (Ministry of Sound, that is) who is also an entrepreneur and now a novelist.
James' book 'Tomas' is published by Quartet Books.
Extraordinary Stories :: Female Bodyguard
Jacquie Davis is one of only a handful of women bodyguards. In a world dominated by men, her job is not to cause trouble but to avoid it. She's had nearly thirty years of action and is now one of the leading providers of bodyguards from London to Los Angeles.
Secret Life :: Sir Stirling Moss
Sir Stirling Moss' London home is like one of those gadget catalogues that falls out of the Sunday papers - and he showed some of his favourites, including the heated toilet seat, to the lucky JP Devlin.
Extraordinary Stories :: Self Harm
From the age of 12 until she was in her 30s Selina Aktar cut herself. This self-harming led to suicidal tendencies and she ended up in a mental health unit. At this point Selina realised that she wanted to live and embarked on various programmes that helped her beat her self-harming.
BBC Helpline: 0800 044 044
Inheritance tracks :: Irvine Welsh
Author Irvine Welsh inherited 'She Loves You' by The Beatles and passes on 'Joy Division Oven Gloves' by Half Man, Half Biscuit.
Poet :: Kate Fox
Kate Fox is a poet, writer & performer based in the North East of England. Hear her verse this Saturday.
Female Bodyguard
I need a female bodyguard
to guard my body
mainly against me,
and all those voices
saying it's not as good as it could be.
She'd put her hand over my mouth
when I was about to get into competitive
self deprecation.
"I look like I got dressed in the dark"
"Well, I look like an uglier female version of Kenneth Clarke",
"Well, I look like the exhumed body of Janis Joplin
dressed in clothes rejected as too cheap by Primark".
The female bodyguard would show Trinny and Susannah
the changing room door,
tell Gok Wan his control pants are a bore.
Make me buy vitamins and Factor Fifty suncream
not Vimtos and a quart of icecream.
Black out the pages of "Heat"
where they slag off Fearne Cotton for having a spot on her chin,
put my subscription to "Does my bum look big in this, or am I just alive?"
in the bin.
She'd put my hands over my ears
when men were extolling the virtues of early-period Britney Spears,
Doctor boyfriends pictures of exes on Photoshop,
so they all looked like ZZ Top.
She'd remove my razors,
prevent me from being so self-depilating,
stop me watching Hollyoaks actors mating,
looking in the mirror when my self esteem's shrinking,
she may even stop me binge thinking
Ignore the critics,
guard your mental health,
be a bodyguard
for yourself.
Message
Please leave a message after the beep,
but only if you've got a secret to keep.
Do you know about Madonna's second head,
are you hiding Lord Lucan under your bed?
Are you about to snog Gordon Brown?
Do you know the Queen's keeping cocaine in her crown?
Leave the details here,
got to dash,
if the News of the World hack this,
we'll split the cash.
BBC Poetry Season
Check out the BBC's Poetry Season - and cast your vote for your favourite bard.
Broadcast
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Sat 11 Jul 200909:00
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