A critical review by Martin Caton

People have often asked the question, “What is Mankind’s greatest invention?” The wheel? The comfy seat? The internal combustion engine?

The answer is the BMW. Because it has all of these things and more!

You can use the BMW for so many different things. You can drive it to work. You can drive it to get food. And best of all, you can have it sit in front of your house so that everyone in the street knows that you – Martin Caton – have a BMW and are a WINNER!

It’s important to treat your BMW right. Always keep it clean and in a good state of repair. And never, never let your no-good son Nathan drive it even when he says nonsense like “Oh, Mum’s been in a crash and I need to go pick her up.”

When you have a BMW people look at you in a different way, if you get what I’m saying. All I mean is my wife needs to watch her back, because sitting in this car, the number of girls that come my way is unreal.

I am often asked “How could you improve the BMW?” and I say “Why mess with perfection?” But if I was going to change it I’d take the boot out and replace it with a rotisserie oven. 'Cos driving this baby makes you hungry! Although when you can go from 0 to 60 in six seconds Nando’s is only a foot-to-the-floor away!

And that is why the BMW is the greatest car ever.

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