Beautiful People, a sparkling new comedy series for BBC Two
EPISODE 1: HOW I GOT MY VASE
2008: Barneys window, New York. Simon ponders his latest window creation. A red vase is knocked off a mannequin by his boyfriend Sacha. Simon catches it as memories of the vase, 1997, best mate Kylie and his family come flooding back…
1997: Reading. When 13-year-old Simon describes his dysfunctional family with mocking affection to his fellow classmates, his mum Debbie, "the right old alkie", decides to quit drinking and prove her son wrong.
During a visit to his best friend Kylie's (aka Kyle) house he stumbles across a rather fetching turquoise dress hanging on the door, which belongs to Kylie's mum, Reba. He decides to 'borrow' the dress for a little make-over fun that evening.
But while he's trying it on, his sister Ashlene takes a Polaroid photo and threatens to give it to the school bullies unless he can cut her hair into a Heather Small (lead singer of M People)-style afro.
Simon has set his heart on buying a beautiful red vase he's seen in a shop window, so when he spies strict vegan and health freak Aunt Hayley chomping down on a juicy burger, he decides a bit of light blackmail is in order to get the money for the vase.
Meanwhile, a horrified Debbie discovers Reba's dress in her bin and accuses her of 'getting it on' with her plumber husband. Will Simon own up to taking the dress and will he ever get the coveted vase he longs for?
EPISODE 2: HOW I GOT MY NOSE
2008: Barneys window, New York. Simon knows he's good-looking but when boyfriend Sacha comments on his broken nose, he starts to reminisce…
1997: Reading. When Simon and Kylie (Kyle) - assisted by their pushy stage-mums - decide to audition for the school production of Joseph, their noses are put out of joint when the lead role goes to rival Imelda.
The boys are inconsolable, and not even fantasising over their future Broadway production of Ab Fab The Musical convinces them that playing a Palm Tree is their sole purpose in life.
Debbie decides to take matters into her own hands when she spots Imelda and drama teacher Mr Bell together in a restaurant and consequently ends up facing criminal charges.
Imelda rebukes Simon's peace offering and he ends up with a swollen nose. Teaming up with Kylie, the pair seek revenge and attempt to sabotage Imelda's show-stopping finale on the opening night.
Information about future episodes will be published in BBC Television Programme Information.