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18.12.03


TV ENTERTAINMENT


Christmas with BBC Entertainment


Last of the Summer Wine
3 Non-Blondes Christmas Special
Test the Nation: The 2003 Test

Dead Ringers Christmas Special
The Kumars at No 42 Christmas Special
EastEnders Christmas Party

Absolutely Fabulous Christmas Special
ALL NEW Top of the Pops
Dear Father Christmas
My Family
Christmas Night With The Stars
Only Fools and Horses: Sleepless in Peckham

Posh & Becks' Big Impression
EastEnders Revealed: The Full Moon
The Office
French and Saunders
The Story of Doctor Who
Dame Edna – Live At The Palace
DoubleTake Christmas Special
Brucie Night


Last of the Summer Wine
BBC ONE, 21 December, 6.15 – 6.45pm


Christmas comes to Holmfirth in a festive special of the popular comedy.


3 Non-Blondes Christmas Special
BBC THREE, 21 December, 10.30 – 11.00pm


The 3 Non-Blondes shake up Christmas with a special that promises to knock the needles off the tree and scare the turkey back into the oven.


Having struck terror into most if not all of the UK, the 3 Non-Blondes now hit Copenhagen – quite literally.


Festive shoppers and tourists had better beware because when Jocelyn Jee Esien, Ninia Benjamin and Tameka Empson hit the streets with their hidden cameras in tow, nothing is sacred and no one is safe . . . even at Christmas!


Test the Nation: The 2003 Test
BBC ONE, 22 December, 8.30 – 10.00pm and 10.35 – 11.45pm


As we say goodbye to the year, Test the Nation: The 2003 Test, looks back over the year challenging the nation to see what they remember.


Anne Robinson and Phillip Schofield will lead viewers and the studio audience through the test which covers topics such as Headlines of the Year, People of the Year and Popular Culture.


It's been a year filled with sensational headlines, superb achievements, sad goodbyes and so much more - Test the Nation takes an entertaining look at what went on.


The popular format, that is rapidly spreading worldwide, gives viewers the chance to take the test almost anywhere – unless you are in David Blaine's glass box.


Television viewers can use the simple paper and pen method, digital viewers can press red on their remote control and take the test via BBCi and people linked up to the internet can play along by going to the website - www.bbc.co.uk/testthenation - and taking the test online.


For the second time now, mobile phone users can send their answers in via text message and they will receive their answers before the results part of the show on the night.


The multiple choice answers can be texted in blocks and prompts will be given during the show as to when viewers need to send each block of answers.


The previous show, Test the Nation: The National Quiz, had over 27,000 people taking the test via their mobile phone and this year it is hoped more will use text to participate.


The show will have a studio audience made up of six groups (50 people in each) which includes Beauticians, Magicians, Armed Forces Families and Fire Fighters.


So will the beauticians prove that they have got what it takes, or will their mascara be running? Will magicians play their cards right and come tops or will their spirits be dampened by the fire fighters?


Test the Nation: The 2003 Test is a Talent TV production for BBC ONE. The producer is Alexandra Henderson and it is executive produced by John Kaye-Cooper.


Dead Ringers Christmas Special
BBC TWO, 22 December, 9.00 – 9.30pm
BBC TWO, 2 January 10.00 – 10.30pm


Just when politicians, celebrities and royalty thought they had got away with it, the Dead Ringers team is back for two Christmas specials.


With their own twist on programmes such as Restoration, How Clean Is Your House, Dr Who and The Office, Jon Culshaw, Jan Ravens, Kevin Connelly, Phil Cornwell and Mark Perry prove once again that nothing is sacred and no-one is safe.


Derren Brown, Paul Burrell and Simon Cowell had also better look out – they're amongst the new characters to be given the Dead Ringers treatment, joining such favourites as Simon Schama, Sophie Raworth, Robert Winston, Gandalf and the Osbournes in this topical round-up of the year's events.


Christmas has never been so spicy.


The Kumars at No 42 Christmas Special
BBC TWO, 22 December, 9.30 – 10.00pm


Drop in for a visit to one of TV's most popular addresses and see the Kumars celebrate as only they can.


This year the family decide to stay at home for Christmas, rather than visiting family in India.


But it isn't a relaxing time for Sanjeev who's humiliated as he's made to parade past presents, including a frightening collection of Christmas outfits.


Neil Morrissey joins in the fun and Christmas wouldn't be the same without Sir Cliff singing one of his festive floor fillers.


What better way to round off the series? Let's just hope granny Sushila doesn't get her hands on the egg nog ...


EastEnders Christmas Party
BBC ONE, 24 December, 8.00 – 9.05pm


Shane Richie – with the help of past and present EastEnders cast members, celebrity guests and famous fans – hosts an entertainment Christmas special with a twist.


No fatal shootings, no scandal, no domestic abuse – instead, music, comedy and fun as Albert Square regulars join together to sing, dance and celebrate Christmas with Yuletide favourites such as Silent Night, Winter Wonderland and Merry Christmas Everybody.


Special guest and dedicated EastEnders fan Lulu will sing Run Run Rudolph live in Albert Square, while EastEnders' very own Kim Medcalf and Jill Halfpenny will wow the crowd with their renditions of All I Want for Christmas and Merry Christmas Darling.


Liberty X become the first band ever to perform live outside the Queen Vic and Pam St Clement performs in the laundrette as you have never seen her before.


Shane Richie is joined by former and current cast members such as Michelle Gayle, Dean Gaffney, Michelle Ryan, Adam Woodyatt and Goldie for a couple of classic Christmas songs.


Mike Reid will be pulling pints with Shane while Clarissa Dickson Wright serves up a feast in the Queen Vic.


EastEnders fans such as Jo Brand, Suggs, Greg Rusedski and Richard E Grant will be dropping in to say hello.


There will also be a very special lovers duet featuring one of EastEnders' most popular couples.


Albert Square has never seen anything quite like it.


Absolutely Fabulous Christmas Special
BBC ONE, 24 December, 9.05 - 9.40pm


It's been a big year in the Monsoon household - Saffy has got herself a boyfriend and given birth to a baby girl. Edina has come to terms with becoming a grandmother – but not with her granddaughter's name. She prefers Lola to Jane. Even more surprisingly she's developed a closer relationship with Saffron.


Patsy meanwhile is feeling put out and neglected, particularly after failed attempts to move into celebrity styling and awards presenting, not to mention the discovery of those porn movies.


However Christmas is guaranteed party time – Patsy and Eddie always go away to somewhere hot and exotic and drink themselves into a stupor. Patsy hates Christmas and refuses to acknowledge its existence.


Unfortunately Eddie has other plans this year and for the very first time, she wants to stay at home with Saffy and her granddaughter. She's even applying her usual restrained shopping style on Christmas presents.


Saffy is thrilled with her Mum's new found interest in Christmas but is getting tired of her attempts to commercialise the day.


Bubble meanwhile is less impressed with her new role as the Christmas Fairy while Bo and Marshall are working on a fantastic new product 'Staylene' – ideal for dealing with Christmas excesses.


John is fascinated to find out that Eddie's first husband is gay and has a lot of questions to ask.


All of this Christmas spirit is too much for Patsy. She starts hallucinating about past Christmas' with her mother and sister, collapses and has to be rushed into hospital.


Has 43 (67) years of drug and alcohol abuse finally taken its toll - is this the end for Patsy?


Eddie is played by Jennifer Saunders, Patsy is played by Joanna Lumley, Saffy is played by Julia Sawalha, Patsy's sister, Jackie, is played by Kate O Mara.


Bo is played by Mo Gaffney, Marshall is played by Christopher Ryan. Patsy's mum is played by Eleanor Bron.


ALL NEW Top of the Pops
BBC ONE, 25 December, 2.00 – 3.00pm

Tim Kash hosts the biggest pop party on TV with a cracking show crammed full of chart topping tunes and yuletide greetings from your favourite popstars.


A stocking full of top pop pressies including The Darkness, Victoria Beckham, Girls Aloud, Rachel Stevens, The Black Eyed Peas, Jamelia, Gareth Gates, Will Young and the Pop Idols is guaranteed to get the whole family rocking around the Christmas tree.


Join the festive fun as ALL NEW Top of the Pops takes a look back at the biggest hits of 2003 and charts the starry countdown to the Christmas number one.


Dear Father Christmas
BBC ONE, 25 December, 3.10 - 3.55pm


Dale Winton is going to be helping Santa Claus to make Christmas 2003 extra special for a host of lucky children.


Every year hundreds of thousands of children write letters to Father Christmas asking for their dreams to come true. This year he has enrolled the help of Dale to make sure those dreams are realised.


Dale says: "I had a great time helping Father Christmas to make dreams come true this Christmas. He receives so many letters every year that it is no surprise that he needs a little help!"


My Family
BBC ONE, 25 December, 6.40 – 7.10pm


Christmas is fast approaching and the Harpers have been out and
about in London, doing their shopping and getting into the festive
spirit.
So far, so good.


On the way back home, however, the tube grinds to a sudden halt and the family is faced with the very real prospect of spending Christmas stuck on the Underground.


As Ben gets more and more exasperated and claustrophobic,
Susan comes up with some ingenious ways of passing the time
with her fellow passengers.


Michael turns his attention to getting to know some of the young women on the train, while Nick stumbles across an impromptu money-making ruse.


And, just when there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel, some unexpected members of the Harper household make an unwelcome visit.


Robert Lindsay plays Ben, Zoë Wanamaker plays Susan, Kris
Marshall plays Nick, Gabriel Thomson plays Michael, Siobhan Hayes plays Abi and Kieron Self plays Roger Bailey.


Richard Whiteley makes a guest appearance.


Christmas Night With The Stars
BBC ONE, 25 December, 7.10 - 8.30pm


Michael Parkinson presents a Christmas cracker full of treats as he is joined by some of the biggest names in music and comedy.


Michael will introduce stars from right across the musical firmament with performances from Ozzy and Kelly Osbourne, Victoria Beckham, Denise Van Outen, Emma Bunton, Will Young and Busted.


Celebrities such as Lenny Henry, Jo Brand, Jon Culshaw, the Kumars and Ricky Tomlinson will provide the laughs.


And there'll be plenty of surprises along the way including the show's finale, which will feature the host himself as he has never been seen before.


Only Fools and Horses: Sleepless in Peckham
BBC ONE, 25 December, 9.20 – 10.35pm


Del Boy and Rodders return to our screens this Christmas in the third of three specials written by John Sullivan.


The Trotters have had a turbulent couple of years. After becoming millionaires in 1996 they burst back on to the box, after a five year gap, for viewers to realise they had lost the money.


The high life in Monte Carlo was replaced by the low life in Peckham as they found themselves owing a large amount of money to the Inland Revenue.


Del Boy even tried to win the money they owed by appearing as a contestant on a television quiz show – but Rodders' two GCEs were of no help and they went home empty handed.


Rodney and Cassandra had tried to inject some fun into their relationship with a little help from some fancy dress costumes.


Unfortunately for them Del caught them as 'Gladiator' Rodney and 'Police Woman' Cassandra hotted things up in the flat.


The second episode took the Trotters on a trip to France where they ended up bringing back more than the booze they bargained for. They inadvertently smuggled an unwilling illegal immigrant.


In Sleepless In Peckham, the third and final instalment, Del Boy and family have only two weeks to find the cash to pay the Inland Revenue or they will be evicted from their home in Nelson Mandela House.


After 22 years in the flat it could be goodbye, something Del and Rodney are determined will not happen.


Meanwhile Trigger has become fascinated by science fiction and is enthralled by programmes such as The X-Files which leads to some bizarre moments from him. It could be said that Trigger lives on a planet all of his own anyway!


So it's time to catch up where we left off with Del Boy (David Jason), Rodney (Nicholas Lyndhurst), Raquel (Tessa Peake-Jones), Cassandra (Gwyneth Strong), Trigger (Roger Lloyd Pack), Boycie (John Challis), Denzil (Paul Barber), Micky Pearce (Patrick Murray) and Marlene (Sue Holdernesss).


John Sullivan, who has written the show over the last two decades, has provided the nation with one of Britain's best loved comedies. As rumours fly about there being no more episodes, he replied: "I said that in 1996 and we brought it back so never say never."


Only Fools and Horses is a BBC production for BBC ONE. The executive producers are John Sullivan and Sophie Clarke-Jervoise. The producer is Gareth Gwenlan.


Posh & Becks' Big Impression
BBC ONE, 25 December, 10.35 – 11.20pm


Breaking away from their usual sketch-show format masters of mimicry, Alistair McGowan and Ronni Ancona, serve up a festive feast as they chart Posh and Becks' move from Beckingham Palace to Madrid.


The most fabulous and famous couple in the world get a Big Impression make over from the dexterous duo who take a peek into their world.


Celebrities from across the showbiz spectrum including Johnny Vaughan, Jordan, David Seaman, Mel C and Madonna give their verdict on the Posh and Becks transfer.


After being shunned at a star-studded bash in New York by fellow celebs Catherine Zeta Jones, Michael Douglas, Nic Cage, Angelina Jolie and the not so friendly Friends stars David Schwimmer and Courtney Cox, the Beckhams take some advice from Sven and Nancy as they decide to leave Eng-er-land behind and head off to sunny Spain.


While Becks proves to be a big hit in Madrid Posh isn't quite so happy. She decides to make an ill-fated attempt at becoming a bull-fighter before turning to her former manager, Simon Fuller (Damian Lewis), to revive her career.


Things then take a darker turn as Simon Fuller sets his sights on David too and hatches a plan for total world Beckhamisation!


Posh and Beck's Big Impression is a Baby Cow Production for BBC ONE. It is produced by Ali MacPhail and directed by Tony Dow.


EastEnders Revealed: The Full Moon
BBC THREE, 26 December, 8.30 – 9.00pm


This edition profiles one of Walford's best loved residents, Alfie Moon.


From the moment Shane Richie shrugged on Alfie's trademark leather jacket, the wise cracking ex-con was an instant hit with viewers.


Notoriously difficult to please, the fiercely loyal EastEnders' audience immediately took Alfie to their hearts, and Richie's portrayal of the Queen Vic's newest landlord has seen him take home a raft of awards.


But audiences and critics alike weren't the only ones to fall for Alfie's considerable charms as everyone's favourite Slater sister found herself shooting him longing glances over the pumps.


The 'will-they-won't-they story line' between Kat Slater and Alfie Moon has kept viewers hooked since the summer, and recently culminated in one of the most anticipated TV moments of recent times, as Alfie charged down the aisle to reclaim his one true love from the clutches of evil gangster Andy.


The show follows Shane Richie back to his Harlesden roots and finds out how a man more associated with entertainment and comedy shows made it as one of Soap's most successful actors.


The EastEnders Revealed cameras get exclusive backstage access to the Queen Vic and find out if Alfie gets to marry the woman of his dreams.


The programme includes interviews with Shane Richie, Jessie Wallace, Chris Parker, Hilda Braid and many more.


The Office
BBC ONE, 26 December 10.15 – 11.00pm
BBC ONE, 27 December 9.50 – 10.45pm


The nation's favourite paper merchant is back for one final outing this Christmas as The Office comes to BBC ONE for a two-part special that waves goodbye to documentary star and all-round office nightmare, David Brent and the team at Wernham Hogg.


The documentary team return to catch up on the past couple of years and see what has become of David, Tim, Dawn, Gareth and the rest of the team.


At the end of the second series, David Brent was left begging for his job while Gareth was ingratiating himself with the boss and getting promoted.


Tim lost his ambition and seemed resigned to his life as Senior Sales Rep and Dawn was heading off to start a new life in Florida with fiance Lee.


Since its first series in 2001, The Office has become a comedic phenomenon and has been ranked by many alongside the likes of Fawlty Towers as a definitive comedy of its time.


For a programme that started off as a training project for Stephen Merchant on a BBC course, it has grown into an award-laden classic and made a star of that epitome of indignity and embarrassment, David Brent.


So what can be expected from the two-part special? Did Brent's emotional last stand against redundancy win over the hearts of his bosses? Is Gareth in charge and running the team like a military unit? Will Tim and Dawn, Slough's own Romeo and Juliet, ever get together?


The storylines have been kept under wraps and creators Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais are keeping tight-lipped but one thing is for certain - the end of the road is nigh.


Ricky Gervais says: "It's one and a half hours spread over two nights revisiting all the old favourites and a few new ones to find out what they've been up to over the last couple of years, what they are doing now, and where we leave them forever. This is the end of the story."


So as the sun rises for the last time on the paper merchants of Slough, raise a glass of Christmas cheer to David Brent and the team at Wernham Hogg – they'll be missed. FACT!

The Office - A retrospective
Classic Moments


• There's good news and bad news – the opening episode revealed that Wernham Hogg was downsizing. Concerned staff confront David to hear the bad news that there will be cutbacks. The joy on the team's faces when they hear the good news is overwhelming!


• Keith's appraisal – it's staff appraisal time and although other staff talk about their career dreams, David tries to get to know Keith from Accounts whose strengths are….er…..Accounts. A star is born!


• Training day – it's the office training day and David refuses to let the official trainer do his job announcing he used to be in a band: "Gareth – get the guitar."


• Tim finally asks Dawn out - Tim loses the plot at the training day and walks out. Thinking Dawn has split up with Lee, he barges back in and asks her out – the moment we'd all been waiting for. There's only one problem - she's still with Lee. Excruciating!


• Gareth's interrogation room – after a pornographic image is sent around the office Gareth is in charge of investigating the crime using his military interrogation skills.


A bored Tim and Dawn decide to question him about the Territorial Army – or are they insinuating he's gay?


• The stapler in the jelly – bored and frustrated with his life, Tim's energy is turned to teasing Gareth. But Gareth is unimpressed that official office equipment has been abused – particularly his beloved stapler.


• Quiz night – Gareth has arranged the quiz based on his own special interests - war and guns etc - but there is a fierce rivalry between The Tits (Tim and Ricky) and The Dead Parrotts (David and Finchy). It culminates in the ultimate challenge – throwing the shoe over the building.


• The Dance – in his desperate efforts to shame boss Neil's impressive Saturday Night Fever number, David takes to the floor in his own inimitable style to show them how it's done - a jaw dropping, horrendous performance.


• Bad news for David on Comic Relief day - Neil and Jennifer arrive to tell David he is being made redundant. Horrified and absolutely gutted David stands up to reveal he is wearing 'comedy' bird legs.


• David the motivator – having been asked to hold a motivation talk, David arrives in baseball cap and casual wear. But it's his exit that truly astonishes – "Simply the Best".


• Please don't fire me – the moment that made even the hardest of hearts melt with sympathy. A broken man, David cannot face finalising his redundancy package and begs for his job – uncomfortable and tear-jerkingly tragic.


The Wisdom of Brent


"You will never work in a place like this again. This is brilliant-fact. And you will never have another boss like me. Someone who's basically a chilled out entertainer."


"If you were to ask me to name three geniuses, I probably wouldn't say Einstein, Newton... I'd go Milligan, Cleese, Everett. Sessions."


"Well, there's good news and bad news. The bad news is that Neil will be taking over both branches, and some of you will lose your jobs. Those of you who are kept on will have to relocate to Swindon, if you wanna stay. I know, gutting. On a more positive note, the good news is, I've been promoted, so . . . every cloud. You're still thinking about the bad news aren't you?"


"People see me, and they see the suit, and they go: 'You're not fooling anyone.' They know I'm rock and roll through and through."


"I don't look upon this like it's the end, I look upon it like it's moving on, you know. It's almost like my work here's done. I can't imagine Jesus going, 'Oh, I've told a few people in Bethlehem I'm the son of God, can I just stay here with Mum and Dad now?'"


"Who says famine has to be depressing?"


"Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do."


"When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, 'How would the Lone Ranger handle this?'"


"You don't have to be mad to work here . . . in fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not."


"Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them."


"'If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain.' Do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of t**s."


French and Saunders
BBC ONE, 26 December, 11.00 – 11.40pm


It's the welcome return of French and Saunders this Christmas on BBC ONE. With their unique brand of Christmas cheer, the comic pair pay homage to some of the people and moments of 2003.


From Rosemary & Thyme to the White Stripes and Love Actually, to Jump London and the antics of Madonna and Britney – no one is safe from their grasp!


The Story of Doctor Who
BBC ONE, 30 December, 6.30 - 7.30pm


A warmly nostalgic archive documentary about Dr Who told by those who were part of it.


With interviews from actors and others involved including all the surviving TV Doctors - Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Colin Baker and Sylvester McCoy.


It is 40 years since the mysterious Time Lord and intergalactic nomad Dr Who was transported onto British TV via his time travelling TARDIS and, almost immediately, a cult TV series was born.


The Story of Doctor Who reveals new behind-the-scenes information and revisits some of the old, best loved stories.


Dame Edna – Live At The Palace
BBC ONE, 30 December, 9.00 - 10.00pm


At the Queen's Jubilee, she stole not only the show but also the hearts of the nation and the Jubilee Girl herself.


Now Dame Edna Everage – international superstar, model housewife and Australia's greatest ever export – has taken up residence in Buckingham Palace at the expressed request of Her Majesty.


This Christmas, while her landlady is up in Sandringham and the corgis are safely tucked up in their kennels, Dame Edna welcomes a brace of cameras and some very special guests into her temporary, humble abode.


Jeremy Irons, Mel C, Lulu and Ronnie Wood will be dropping in to have a chat with the Dame, while Madge will be dutifully carrying out her responsibilities with the help of Edna's faithful butler, Batman's Michael Gough.


Edna will reveal both the secrets behind her glittering career and some exclusive footage of life chez Queenie.


There will also be an unforgettable appearance from Edna's rather raucous and foul-mouthed new neighbours, the Osbourne family. Spooky, possums.


DoubleTake Christmas Special
BBC TWO, 30 December, 10.45 – 11.25pm


If you missed the much talked about footage of Camilla crashing her car, Michael Jackson's nose peeling off or Sven and Beckham flirting in the bath, here's another chance to catch up with a special 'best off' DoubleTake, complete with brand new Christmas scenarios.


DoubleTake, the BAFTA award wining concept that uses look-a-likes filmed in ways that make them indistinguishable from the real thing, first transmitted in the spring.


The Christmas special offers the funniest, most gob smacking moments from the first series plus several new Christmas scenarios featuring celebrities like Posh and Becks, Elton John and Jamie Oliver.


No other programme would dare show Prince William taking a pot shot at Camilla, the Prime Minister trying to potty train baby Leo or Chris Evans passing out in a toilet. No other programme could!


Brucie Night
BBC TWO, 1 January from 9.00pm
9.00pm – Room 101
9.30pm – My Holiday With Brucie
10.00pm – Have I Got Bruce For You


BBC TWO are dedicating a night to showbiz legend Bruce Forsyth and celebrating his illustrious career as a performer of over 50 years.


As part of the Brucie Night viewers will have an opportunity to see his triumphant appearance as host of the satirical quiz, Have I Got Bruce For You.


The evening will also include a special recording of Room 101, where Paul Merton will grill him on his pet hates - which include the rules of golf, female presenters who shout at the end of sentences and poor food and drink - and a documentary which profiles the showbiz veteran who has kept the nation entertained for over half a century.


My Holiday With Brucie


The BBC follows Bruce Forsyth and his wife, Wilnelia, as they travel to the remote island of Hainan, off the coast of China.


Wilnelia is there designing swimwear for the Miss World Contest being held on the island and Bruce is accompanying her on the trip.


Shot by Will Yapp, director/producer of Louis Theroux, Jimmy Savile, The Hamiltons and Michael Jackson films, the film spends informal time with Bruce, sharing his experience of being in such a remote and beautiful place and looking back at his career.


"Spending any amount of quality time with Bruce Forsyth is a dream come true," says Will Yapp.


Notes to Editors


From Sadlers Wells to the Queen Vic - the BBC is alive to the sound of Christmas music (25.11.03)


Have A Very Merry Digital Christmas! (25.11.03)


Celebrate Christmas with BBC Religion & Ethics (05.12.03)


Feature films on BBC Television this Christmas


All the BBC's digital services are now available on Freeview, the new free-to-view digital terrestrial television service, as well as on satellite and cable.

Freeview offers the BBC's eight television channels, interactive services from BBCi, as well as 11 national BBC radio networks.


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