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Eyes
Down - who's who
Ray
(Paul O'Grady) is the bingo caller and Manager of The Rio.
Ray hates his job. He hates the staff. He hates the punters. He
hates people.
Mind
you, when you see the tat he has to put up with:
The
staff -
Mary
(Edna Doré)
is the cleaner.
Well
past official retirement age, Mary has at least 12 children and
no teeth, and delights in telling Ray all her ailments including
her prolapsed womb -
"I
was hardly out of the doctors at one time. They'd be there shoving
it back up, and by the time I'd got home it'd pop back out again.
It was a bloody inconvenience, I can tell you. It'd pop out at bus
stops, chip shops, you name it. That's why you'll only see me in
Lycra. You know where you are womb-wise."
Christine
(Rosie Cavaliero) runs the diner and can't resist eating most of
the stock.
Christine
lives with her Chihuahua, Penny. Only one of them has a sex life
and it isn't Christine.
Christine
was married but her marriage didn't last as long as one of Mary's
migraines. However, Christine is adored by Martin, a man who is
too shy to proclaim his love.
Martin
(Tony Maudsley) is the number checker and has been hopelessly in
love with Christine from the moment he set eyes on her, shoving
half a packet of Hobnobs down her gob.
Martin
lives with his mother, who puts him on the bus each morning.
Known
to Ray as "blubber-boy", he's fat and sad and has the
worst haircut in the world because "someone on me mother's
side married a Maori and we've had trouble parting ever since".
But
Martin has a helper in his quest to win Christine.
Bobby
(Neil Fitzmaurice) is The Rio's repair man.
He
tries to help Martin because he finds getting off with women so
very, very easy.
He
has at least one different woman every night and is only too happy
to brag if you happen to stand next to him at the urinal -
"I
know. He intimidates a hel-luva lot of men. I think they feel threatened
taking a slash next to him. It's like a buffalo and a meercat takin'
a drink from the same watering hole."
Sandy
(Sheridan Smith) is the assistant number checker.
Only
19, she's going out with "our Terry" (Eugene Salleh).
It
comes as a bit of a shock to Terry that Sandy is expecting their
first baby.
He
thinks her bulging stomach is attributable to wind: "Why else
did you think I gave up smoking? The idea of a naked flame next
to that? Doesn't bear thinking about."
Together,
they want everything to be perfect - "our Tina's just had a
birthing pool," says Sandy.
"She
had it in the living room with all the family watching from the
couch. She dilated ten centimetres during Top of The Pops and gave
birth during Midsomer Murders."
The
punters -
Kitty,
Kay & Kathline (Beatrice Kelley, Margaret John, Hazel Douglas)
- the punters from hell.
The
Satanic Beverly sisters, they are three old gossips who think luck
has nothing to do with chance, and so play bingo according to a
set of bizarre lucky rituals.
Think
Ena Sharples, Martha Longhurst and Minnie Caldwell but far, far
worse.
Pamela
(Michelle Butterly) is sex on legs.
The
fact that she's a wheelchair user doesn't seem to stop her. The
wheelchair has a leopard-skin trim and she's an animal in the bedroom.
As Bobby knows only too well.
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