Letting go John Coleman From the moment your child took his first steps, you knew you had to get the balance right between keeping him safe and letting him find his feet. Now your child's almost an adult, this is more important than ever.

In this article

Balancing act

Setting boundaries

Riding a bike, staying at someone else's house, playing in the street, crossing the road, going to school on their own, going out with friends, making decisions that impact on their lives - all these activities require a balancing act between your fears and anxieties and your child's independence.

Take a look in any park and you'll see parents who are overanxious and overprotective, and those who just let their children wander near ponds and roads, seemingly with little concern.

Parents who are anxious know they have to let their children become independent, but will tell you about abducted children, the dangers of the high street, drugs and alcohol.

On the other hand, those who want their children to grow up (sometimes too quickly), will tell you children have to learn about "the real world", how to stand up for themselves and how to manage dangers in life.

Of course, the world has its dangers, it's always been that way. But the fear of crime, child abuse and violence is much greater than the actual threat.

What underpins your ability to balance your teenager's growing independence and your fears for his safety are communication and learning opportunities. You have to trust him, be able to communicate with him and provide a chance to learn from mistakes.

Unless communication has always been good between you, it may become strained, especially as your teenager looks for independence and you feel as though you're losing control.

But letting go is a process of negotiation and renegotiation. Trade-offs allow you to let go gradually and give your child the chance to experience increased independence.

Try to give your child an authoritative and responsible role over you, and see how he copes. If your younger teen wants to walk to school on his own, for example, go with him initially and make him take responsibility for crossing roads and being aware enough for both of you.

This will help put your mind at rest and make him aware of the responsibility involved in looking after himself.

Make him realise he's earned his independence.

Disclaimer: The BBC Parenting site is provided for your general information only. The information contained on this site should not be treated as a substitute for medical, legal or other professional advice. The BBC is not responsible or liable for the contents of any websites of third parties which are listed on this site.