Sibling relationships are the testing ground where children try out different ways of socialising with others and handling disagreements, shaping how they relate to others as teenagers and adults. Teach good habits- Praise them often when they're getting along. Avoid the temptation to keep out of the way while they play nicely then rush in with plenty of attention when they fall out - this accidentally rewards them for disagreeing.
- Set a good example. Seeing you get on well with others gives the right messages to your children. Alternatively, they will benefit from watching you sort out disagreements with others by talking things over, keeping calm and avoiding put-downs and aggression.
- Practise negotiation skills. Activities that involve taking turns and team games teach co-operation. Remind children to express their angry feelings through words rather than actions, and to come to an adult for help if they cannot sort out a conflict. Try to find compromise whenever you can, for example tape a TV show that clashes with another favourite, or get the children to agree to swap toys after a set period of time.
- Supervise them closely. This way you'll be around to notice when they get along, wait to see if they can sort out disagreements and step in if they can't.
- Build up their empathy for others. When they understand how others feel children are more likely to get along. Ask questions that get them to think about other people's feelings, such as "How do you think Simon is feeling right now?" and "What would you feel if Emma messed up your game?"
Eldest, middle or youngest?All children are unique, but birth order may make a difference to how your child acts and reacts. Eldest children tend to have a special place in the family - they may be leaders, more confident and serious than your other children. Youngest children can be more creative, charming and rebellious, and can have a very affectionate nature. Your middle child, however, has a less clear place in the family. They may feel left out and feel that they must compete for your attention. Your middle child will often find life unfair and tell you so in no uncertain terms. There are advantages to being the middle child, they do make a close set of friends and often rely more on their friendships in the teenage years. They put effort into getting to know others and can be sensitive and understanding. Handling the age gapIt can be difficult to find activities that are interesting and safe for children of different ages. Try introducing activities with different levels of interest or complexity. For example, children of all ages can find something to enjoy at the park or playground. At home, arts and crafts, make-believe and construction toys can involve lots of different levels of skill and detail. If you choose an activity which only appeals to the elder child then slot in some time for a simpler game that the younger child can enjoy. Set elder children the task of teaching or helping the younger to play a game. Sometimes, acting the big brother or sister can boost your older child's sense of importance in the family. Younger children can find it hard to understand why older children seem to have extra privileges such as staying up later, going on sleepovers and so on. Explain these privileges will come to them, too, as they get older. Don't give in - meet claims of "it's not fair" with firmness and understanding, and point out the advantages of being younger, such as less pressure to help around the house, tidy up and so on.
This article was last reviewed by Heather Welford in September 2008.
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