Aged seven: Fitting In and Standing Out We all like to think we're individuals, but some of us enjoy standing out from the crowd more than others. We set our children and their parents tasks to see who wants to fit in and who loves the limelight.

In this article

Programme clips

How does your child react?

As children throw themselves into the world outside home, they’re exposed to experiences that confirm or call into question their family's values, behaviour and expectations.

Fitting in can be a useful strategy, but there are problems with too much conformity. Standing alone, on the other hand, makes some people feel more vulnerable than others.

Our seven-year-olds are discovering how they fit into the groups around them. We set them tests to see who's comfortable standing out and who has the courage of their convictions when under pressure.

The imitation experiment (1.48 minutes)
The children watch film clips of older children doing impressions and are asked to copy them. See which of our children are comfortable taking centre stage.

Adults' confidence experiment (2.29 minutes)
Most of our adults say they're confident about being themselves. We show them clips of party scenes and ask how they'd react if they were there.

The stooges experiment (1.22 minutes)
The children do a famous conformity test from the 1950s. They're placed with three stooges who are primed to give the wrong answer to a simple question. Which of our children have the courage to speak their own minds?

Embarrassment can motivate your child to try to sound, look and act the same as others. But why do they become embarrassed in the first place?

Embarrassment

The first signs of embarrassment are often seen around the age of two, when children begin to react with shyness if they're centre of attention. This tells you your child is beginning to understand their own and others' emotions, and gain a sense of self.

Embarrassment is part of learning about social rules, such as what's acceptable behaviour in public and when to keep things private.

Some children get more embarrassed than others and are more worried about what people think of them.

Around the age of six or seven, children show increasing levels of social embarrassment

Around the age of six or seven, children show increasing levels of social embarrassment and start to shy away from parents' kisses at the school gates. They become conscious of adults' behaviour, often begging parents to conform.

It's no coincidence that, at the same time, the influence of friends and the community outside home is growing. Children become increasingly aware of their similarities and differences in relation to the people around them.

The advantages of fitting in

Most children are highly motivated to make friends, and finding someone to play with is a major playground activity. Children tend to make friends most easily with those who seem similar to them, so fitting in is a good strategy to find playmates.

Other skills are important once a friendship starts. Children with the most friends tend to be good at listening, aware of others' feelings and able to share. Fitting in can often be a helpful starter for strong friendships.

The advantages of standing out

Appearing confident and individual can be appealing to others

Fitting in isn't the only way to make friends. Appearing confident and individual can be appealing to others, especially if your child's good at suggesting interesting games and activities.

Some children have differences that can't, and shouldn't, be hidden or changed, such as physical illness or disability.

When differences are openly valued and a child's challenges are seen as everyone's responsibility, they become a focus for acceptance rather than stigma.

Peer pressure

You may worry that if your child shows a strong desire to fit in they're more likely to fall in with a 'bad crowd'. But young children are still influenced strongly by the values and standards of their family, and peer pressure isn't usually an issue until the ages of 11 to 13.

Children of any age tend to group together with others who are similar. Building a positive peer group at an early age can boost your child's confidence and may reduce the chance of them being attracted to risky behaviour later on.

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