Sex after birth Heather Welford How soon can you expect to return to your usual sex life?

In this article

Breasts and sex Be patient

Contraception Not in the mood

Partner's perspective

When it comes to resuming your sex life after the birth, it all depends on you and your partner. It's normal not to feel much like having sex for the first weeks, at least, and to approach it all gently and tentatively for a while.

The following, perfectly understandable things might make sex seem like a big step.

• Vaginal discharge, which can continue for several weeks after birth (if the discharge makes you feel sore or is itchy or smelly, contact your doctor)
• Tiredness
• Stitches in the perineum
• Finding the time when your baby's asleep and not likely to wake up for a while

If you just let things happen, stay close to your partner emotionally and remain patient, your sex life will probably resume gradually - without it becoming a major issue.

At first, you may need a lubricant if you're nervous about stitches or tears. If sex hurts despite the use of a lubricant, you may still not have quite healed. Any infection can be cleared up with a visit to your doctor.

The vagina usually returns to its former shape well and your partner is unlikely to be aware of any difference. If you have concerns, however, speak with your health professional.

Your breasts may feel a little tender at first. Sexual arousal can cause milk to leak, too. If this is something you or your partner find off-putting, try to feed your baby before you make love to help reduce leakage.

One of the most important things is for you and your partner to discuss your feelings with each other and take things as fast or as slowly as you want.

If you find you're still not interested after a few months, and it's worrying either of you, take the time to talk about it. You may want to have a word with your GP if it continues.

Tiredness is the biggest dampener on libido

Tiredness is the biggest dampener on libido, and you may find you need to schedule a time when you can be together. Choose times when you're less likely to be sleepy. Afternoons at the weekend can be a good time, if your baby naps then. You know your baby's routine - try to schedule your sex life accordingly.

If you don't want to become pregnant again, remember to use contraception whenever you have sex - even if this is soon after the birth.

Just because you've had a baby doesn't mean you can't immediately become pregnant with another.

If you don't fancy sex, don't feel pressured into having it. Lots of women go off sex for a while after birth. Discuss it with your partner and be sensitive to each other's needs. Perhaps you could share a massage together. Even if you just hug each other, the closeness you shared can still be there.

With all the ups and downs new parenthood brings, you may be wondering when you and your partner will be able to share the intimacy you once had. Remember to discuss your feelings with your partner - she may be wondering the same thing.

It's important to talk, to be as understanding and accommodating as possible, and to spend time as a couple.

Obviously, post-birth you'll both have more on your minds than just each other. If your baby sleeps in your room, you may feel more comfortable having sex somewhere else or moving the baby into another room.

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