Stressbusting Claire Halsey Along with the positive aspects of bringing up children come decisions, responsibilities and chores, which can be stressful. Learn to keep on top of stress and you'll find parenting more enjoyable.

In this article

What is stress?

Five ways to keep stress at bay

Staying calm

Stress is a pressure or tension you might feel when the demands of life, children and everyday responsibilities are more than you can handle. When you are stressed your muscles will tense, you may feel tired and irritable and the little things that you normally manage with ease will seem annoying or impossible.

There will always be some days when lots of little, or not so little, things happen one after another. Perhaps you haven't slept well, or you've had a row with your partner. You may begin to lose patience and tensions can rise.

You can reduce your stress by looking after yourself and using simple coping ideas.

1. Take your time. Most of your everyday activities will take longer when you have a child. Give yourself extra time to avoid the feeling of being rushed. Your children will react better when the pressure is off.
2. Think about whether an issue is really worth worrying about. For example, you may decide that you need to intervene if your children are being unkind to each other, but that it's not worth taking a stand over whether plates are left in the sink or put in the dishwasher. Save your energy for issues which really matter to your family and let the little things go by.
3. Think positive. Self talk is the conversation you have in your mind - planning your next activity, commenting on what you and others are doing, and so on. When self talk is positive, you are likely to be calmer and more relaxed. For example if you say to yourself "I can do this" or "I'm good at making decisions" you are encouraging yourself and will feel less stressed. Negative self talk such as "This is terrible" and "I'm hopeless" will do the opposite and reduce your confidence. Pay attention to your self talk and keep it positive.
4. Include relaxing activities in your daily routine. Listen to calm music, a relaxation tape or CD, or a talking book, and allow your mind to take a break as well as your body. Your children benefit from a period of quiet time every day and so will you.
5. Try a simple relaxation exercise. When you feel tension building, use a quick technique to calm down, such as this breathing exercise.

A quick way to tackle tension

• Take a slow deep breath in and out again, then carry on breathing gently and calmly
• Let your shoulders drop down and your hands go floppy at your sides
• Smooth out your forehead and let your jaw drop slightly
• Notice your mind relaxing as your body softens

Sometimes you feel as if you're at the end of your tether, or you need to do something to stop you losing your cool with your child. These are some practical tips that other parents have found useful to keep tension under control.

• Phone a friend or family member
• Get some fresh air for a moment
• Count to ten then ask yourself: "Do I feel calm?" If the answer is no, carry on counting until you can say yes
• Laugh out loud, laughter releases tension
• Put on your favourite music
• Throw your energy into a big cleaning session
• Have a drink of water or make yourself a cup of tea
• Think about a loving moment with your child, perhaps a cuddle at bedtime or a caring remark
• Give your child a hug
• Remind yourself of that surge of emotion when your child was born. You could look through a photo album or a diary of your child's birth, for example
• Say to yourself: "Keep calm, think positive"
• Phone a helpline for support. See Support for parents

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