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15 November 2009
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Parenting alone

Claire Halsey

Parenting alone, whether due to divorce, death, working away from home or shift work, can be hard work.


Going it alone

Parenting brings great joy, closeness and warmth as well as periods of boredom, irritation and loneliness. And no one experiences these extremes as intensely as a lone parent.

Where to find support

You may feel the need, like most parents, to talk over parenting issues with other adults. Try to find a trusted friend or relative who'll listen without judging.

If you don't have anyone you feel you can talk to, contact your health visitor or school nurse. They can offer you advice or put you in contact with one of your local parenting services.

Remember, there's always help available. You can call a helpline such as Parentline Plus on freephone 0808 800 2222 for information and advice 24 hours a day.

For support specific to lone parents, call One Parent Families on 0800 018 5026.

Avoid sharing your worries with your children. This may be tempting if you have no one else to talk to, but it can be confusing for children who need to see you as confident and coping.

Facing prejudice

Many lone parents say they feel judged by those around them and that they must repeatedly prove they're good parents. Try to keep in mind you're doing the job of two people and you should be congratulated for the effort and dedication this takes.

Taking a break

As a lone parent you may have fewer opportunities for time to yourself to replenish your reserves of patience and calm. You may even see it as a failure if you have to ask for the support you need.

Plan some time each day to do something, however small, that you enjoy. Schedule some adult time too. An evening with adults brings balance to your life.

New partners

Many lone parents go on to form new relationships and face the dilemma of deciding when and how to introduce a new partner to their children.

Shared parenting

Maintaining a cooperative relationship with your ex-partner may not always be easy, but try to keep any conflict private and separate from your children's contact time.

It's up to you and your ex-partner to work together, where possible, to ensure regular contact runs smoothly. You need to make clear arrangements and support your children with the transition between the two of you.

It will help if:

  • Your children can have photographs, cards and letters from the other parent in your home
  • You allow the children to take and return well-timed phone calls
  • Both parents avoid criticism of the other in front of the children


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Disclaimer: The BBC Parenting site is provided for your general information only. The information contained on this site should not be treated as a substitute for medical, legal or other professional advice. The BBC is not responsible or liable for the contents of any websites of third parties which are listed on this site.

In Lifestyle

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Support for parents
Help for lone parents
Separation and divorce

Elsewhere on bbc.co.uk

News: One-parent families on the rise
Woman’s Hour: lone parenting

Elsewhere on the web

One Space
Parent Centre
Keep Time For Children
Child Support Agency
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