Extended stepfamily Paula Hall When you become part of a stepfamily, other relationships change and you need to decide how you and your children will continue to relate to the extended family.

In this article

The non-resident parent Visiting stepchildren

Grandparents, aunts and uncles What do we call each other?

Evidence suggests that children adjust more easily to stepfamily life when they have regular access to the non-resident parent. Children should be encouraged to visit regularly and maintain a close relationship.

If the other parent has remarried, then children should also be encouraged to engage as fully as possible in this new family life. If at all possible, a one-off or occasional family event where parents, step-parents and children all gather together can help children to see that you're all working as a team.

Maintaining a relationship with visiting stepchildren can be particularly stressful. Resident children may feel they're being invaded, while visiting children resent feeling like 'guests.'

Many families find it works well if the birth parent spends time alone with visiting children. This helps them to feel that the relationship is still important. It also gives an opportunity for the other parent to spend time alone with their children. This will help to reduce jealousy and competition between stepbrothers and sisters.

Grandparents are an important part of a child's history and identity, and children should always be encouraged to maintain these relationships. The same is also true of biological aunts, uncles and cousins - all of whom give a child a sense of belonging.

As a couple, you'll need to decide how involved step-grandparents and step-aunts, uncles and cousins will be. And of course, find out how they feel about it too. Don't worry about confusing children with lots of other family members - most children just want to be loved and for everyone to get on with each other.

Using first names for both adults and children saves you having to draw attention to the family status. It allows everyone to be equal and to be respected for who they are as an individual rather than for their place in a family.

In time, a child may choose to call a step-parent 'mum' or 'dad', or perhaps another pet name, but this should never be forced.

It takes time for a stepfamily to settle down and for extended members to find their place. But with patience, acceptance and mutual respect, there can be room for everyone.

Disclaimer: The BBC Parenting site is provided for your general information only. The information contained on this site should not be treated as a substitute for medical, legal or other professional advice. The BBC is not responsible or liable for the contents of any websites of third parties which are listed on this site.