Choosing a guardian Your children's legal guardian is the person who will bring them up if you die. There are practical, financial and emotional dimensions to your decision who to ask.

In this article

What do your children need? Discussing it with the person you choose Different options

Letting everyone know Telling your children

Reviewing your choice Lone parents

Nothing can be more traumatic for young children than the sudden loss of both parents, so while it's extremely unlikely this will happen, it's a good idea to have a plan in place outlining who will take care of them. They will need:

• Stability and continuity
• To be together
• To feel loved and safe even though their world has collapsed around them

Ideally, then, your guardian will be someone who:

• Loves the children
• Can cope, physically, emotionally and financially, with all your children
• Can maintain your children's other family and social relationships
• Shares your values

Although it's extremely unlikely both parents will die at the same time, the person or people you are naming as guardian(s) should be clear about what they are agreeing to do: to love and care for your children. You'll need to talk through all aspects, including money. Don't be shy about asking - anyone you ask will feel flattered - but at the same time you must be prepared for them to say no.

• Grandparents - If grandparents are still relatively young and live nearby, then in most cases they will be the obvious choice. But if they live far away, this would mean the children having to change schools and make new friends, as well as coping with the loss of their parents. If you started your family later, or have older parents yourself, they may be physically unable to take on the role of looking after young children again.
• Siblings - Even if you're happy that any of your siblings would take equally good care of your children, you should specify in your will which one you have chosen so that it's completely and immediately clear where the children should go in the aftermath of your death. Sometimes siblings are not the right choice because they're too young/old, live too far away, their lifestyle wouldn't accommodate children, you're not confident your brother-in-law or sister-in-law would ever love your children and the way they're bringing their children up is very different to yours.
• Friends who live nearby - If your family don't live near, friends may know your children as well, if not better, than family members, and we tend to choose friends with similar values. Although not blood relatives, close friends may be in the best position to offer your children the love and continuity they need.

Make sure you let your family and close friends know your decision. Even if someone is named in your will, legally your decision can be contested in court. If everyone's clear as to why you've chosen that particular person then this is unlikely to happen.

Depending on the age of your children, you may want to tell them what you have done. Be matter of fact, reassure them how unlikely it is that they'll ever need a guardian other than their parents, but that if anything did happen to you then this is the person who'd look after them.

Be prepared to revisit your decision if circumstances change. The person you choose may have to take on additional responsibilities of their own, for instance caring for an elderly relative, or their marriage/relationship may have broken down.

If you're a lone parent, with no co-parent involved in your children’s care, then it's all the more important that you nominate a legal guardian and inform those closely involved in the bringing up of your children what you've done.

For parents who are divorced and both retain joint responsibility for the children, the most likely scenario is that on the death of one parent, the child will live with the other. Any nomination made in the will of the parent who died would rank second.

But if one parent has a residence order for the children to live with them, they can nominate a guardian who would then share responsibility for bringing up the children with the surviving parent. This nomination could still be contested in court.

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