Birthdays: pre-teens A pre-teen's growing need for independence, combined with a longing to be accepted by their peers, can lead to feelings of anxiety about birthday celebrations. Here are some ideas for making it a day they enjoy.

In this article

The present

The celebration

Party checklist

Between the ages of 11 and 13, what friends and peers think is likely to be of great concern to your child. Having the 'right' kind of birthday party can be a big issue.

Your daughter may want to invite a few close friends for a sleepover. Your son may be quite happy just having a few mates over for video games, food and some fizzy drinks.

Alternatively, your child may feel they need to have a more 'grown up' party and invite both boys and girls.

Remind your son or daughter that their party's supposed to be a celebration - not a cause for distress or worry.

Your child may like to draw up their own plan for the celebration, and then you can discuss the ideas together.

Children aged between 11 and 13 will enjoy personal grooming products, music, puzzles and games and activity kits. CDs, DVDs and books will probably be a big hit.

For a significant birthday - such as 13 - think about a larger present, such as a makeover for their bedroom. This doesn't have to be really expensive. You can help them to rearrange the furniture, clear out old 'babyish' things and buy a few key items such as a new lamp, posters, cushions and bedding.

Here are some ideas for a cracking pre-teen party:

• Depending on the season, your child may like to invite friends for an activity, such as swimming, ice skating, or a picnic in the park.
• For at-home parties, sleepovers can be popular at this age, but keep guests to a manageable number. Boys may be happier with an afternoon of video games. Check with other parents first what games they allow their kids to play.
• With the days of pass the parcel and musical statues over, more sophisticated games will be required for pre-teen parties. Try a pop-and-movies quiz, with a prize for the child or group who gets the most answers right.
• At this age your child may like to offer more sophisticated food, with a few different courses. For inspiration, visit the BBC Food recipe finder
• Older pre-teens may prefer to simply hang out with friends. Suggest a trendy café they could meet at for lunch. You and your partner could sit at a separate table, to give them space to chat.

• invitations
• decorations
• birthday meal
• birthday cake
• place settings
• entertainment - videos, music and video games (for at-home parties)
• camera and plenty of film
• party activity supplies
• present

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