1. How did you get into radio?
I used a bull elephant to knock down the doors. Whilst the receptionist was being given medical attention I snuck in and put a crowbar across the entrance. I have enough food and water here to last me three and a half years, and I’m not coming out till then.
2. What was your first broadcast?
Community radio on Tuvalu, a small Pacific Island where I co-presented ‘The Coconut News’ with Watty Khan.
3. What other jobs have you done besides broadcasting?
I worked in a Crumb Factory in Bicester, making crumbs for fish fingers. It was a crummy job but I had to earn my crust.
4. What would you like to be if you weren’t a radio presenter?
I originally trained as a ninja, so I guess I’d go back to that line of work.
5. What would listeners be surprised to learn about you?
I have no hair.
6. Which person would you most enjoy being stuck in a lift with?
My security team, legal advisors, Make Up artist and my dogs Fluffy and Fow Fow.
7. If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money?
Fix the door I broke at BBC Oxford, and build a moon-sized orbiting space station, capable of destroying entire worlds. I’d call it the Doom Star.
8. What is your worst habit?
Reporting my mother to the police for crimes she didn’t commit. I’ve already put her through the trauma of five unnecessary high court trials and now she has to live on the run in a van. Today, still wanted by the government, she survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find her, maybe you can hire my Mum’s team.
9. Tell us about your 1st:
Car : A Proton 1.5 Aeroback. It went like a duck on hot snot.
Job: Little Chef, £1.86 an hour. All I got were complaints about my pancakes.
Kiss: Bah! Kissing is for girls.
Record: The Levellers.
10. What is your favourite?
Food: Prawns.
Sandwich: Prawns.
Place in Oxfordshire: My bed.
Item of clothing: My kaftan.
Song: Ultrasound – Best Wishes.
Singer: Paul McCartney.
Film: Star Wars. No, Lord of the Rings. Hang on, Star Wars. Wait a minute, Lord of the Rings. I can’t decide.
TV Show: Brass Eye.
