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Ten disability-related Christmas excuses
7th December 2008
For a time of year that's supposed to be all about festive fun, Christmas can bring with it an awful lot of pressures, from family gatherings and Christmas parties at work, to trying to think of original gifts and making sure you don't forget to send cards to absolutely everyone you've ever known. So why not make good use of your disability in order to avoid some of those seasonal commitments?
- "That was a wonderful carol, children. But giving you money really depends on me having heard your version of Ding Dong Merrily. And I'm deaf."
- "Oh, grandma, no two-day old turkey leftovers and rock hard Christmas cake for me, thanks. Not unless you can get them down my feeding tube ..."
- "I gave up on Christmas cards, I'm afraid, after my dyslexia meant it took me three and a half hours to write a message in the first one."
- "It's just that there's no point giving gifts if they're not beautifully presented in shiny wrapping and colourful ribbons. But with my co-ordination issues ..."
- "Of course I want to come to the family Christmas celebrations, mother, but I've been signed up to play Grumpy in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs in panto."
- "You know I'd like nothing better than to sit here and sort through all the individual Christmas tree lights to find the single broken bulb. But since I'm blind ..."
- "No, Santa Claus hasn't brought any presents for you this year. He obviously didn't approve of me leaving my prosthetic leg hanging up for him, instead of a stocking."
- "I'd love to go to the Christmas karaoke party. Pity my communication aid only sings one note. Still, it's time Stephen Hawking brought out a Christmas single!"
- "I would be delighted to decorate the tree this year. My assistance dog will do a sterling job. Are any of the decorations edible?"
- "Well, it was a choice between allowing a large bearded man to come down my chimney overnight and deliver gifts for all the family, or maintain my current low levels of paranoia. I chose the latter."
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and how about
I would love to join in the carol singing but you have not printed the words in 24 point font so i can read them
I would love to visit you on Christmas day but there is no public transport and i can't drive because of my impairment
and some others .....
no Santa hasn't bought you any presents
He uses a wheelchair now and your chimney is not accessible
well if you didn't Braille your present list how can you expect the elves to read it
Under the DDA the job of Father Christmas had to be open to everyone
we appointed someone with seasonal affective disorder - he's happy to work a 24 hour shift in July so Christmas has been moved to the summer
My visual impairment means that I cannot read the jokes in the Christmas crackers
My friend would love to join in charades but feels as if her superb BSL skills give her an unfair advantage
You are being sued , Rudolph's red nose is a facial disfigurement that is covered by the DDa and he was upset that you should sing such a stupid song about it
The pantomine has been cancelled because the cast has resigned
'Dopey' got his PhD once reasonable adjustments had been made
'Grumpy' received cognitive therapy and went on to get his degree
'Sleepy' was allowed regular breaks during his exams and passed them
'Bashful' is too busy working as an executive after coming to terms with his personality issues
'Sneezy' has received new treatment for his allergy , he has been able to study and now his masters degree
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