Spastic fantastic

To my amazement, this was greeted with possibly the biggest laugh I've ever got as a stand-up comedian. It was as if I'd voiced the very thing that was foremost on the minds of absolutely every single audience member, yet no-one dared to say it. At that moment, I realised that whilst we may have banished this word from British culture, people with cerebral palsy, like me, will forever be subconsciously labelled spastic by a section of the public.

Having seen a few stand-up comics in my time, I reckon I must be one of the few who, until now, haven't constantly used the word 'spastic' in their act. During his IF.Comeddie (formerly Perrier) award winning show last year, non disabled comedian Brendan Burns practically couldn't finish a sentence without using it. But let's face it - if anyone's got a right to use this word then surely it's us?

The word has dogged me for my entire life. My first school was, at the time, called the 'Percy Hedley School for Spastics'. They even had it written on a big sign by the entrance to remind all us students as we came in each morning. The teachers, doctors, care staff… pretty much everyone there would commonly refer to me as a 'spastic'.

Of course, it was originally a medical term referring to cerebral palsy, until the beginning of the eighties when the children's TV programme Blue Peter stuck its oar in with their "Bring and Buy Sale for Spastics". Before long, 'spaz' and 'Joey' (after Joey Deacon, the man in his 60s with CP, who Blue Peter, in their infinite wisdom, had as the campaign's figurehead), were soon flying around every playground in the country - even the playground of the Percy Hedley School for Spastics.

Some readers from the States may well be wondering what all the fuss is about, as they were never subjected to Blue Peter's 'awareness raising' campaign. According to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, the American 'spaz' can be taken to mean over-excited and full of energy; or uncoordinated, clumsy, and uncool - hence Tiger Woods' faux pas a couple of years ago. Now call me sceptical, but I think that whilst its original derivation may well have been lost, it's pretty clear that spaz came from the same place as its British counterpart.

In 2003 Ouch's disabled readers voted 'spastic' to be the second most offensive word in the English language when it came to describing a disabled person. So I thought it was high time to take a stand and attempt to reclaim it. After all, black people, gay men and lesbians have reclaimed negative terms that were used about them in the past. It's about humour, irony and taking ownership of words that were once used destructively. In other words, it isn't what you say so much as who's saying it to whom.

I'm fully aware that disabled people have reclaimed 'cripple / crip'. But I've always shied away from using it, not because I don't agree with reclaiming language, but for the simple fact that I was never called a cripple when I was growing up. As I mentioned earlier, I was always labelled a spastic. So for me this is like my Holy Grail.
Laurence Clark in costume for his new show - a Superman outfit

The real question is how to go about reclaiming the word spastic. I couldn't very well go out onto the streets shouting "I'm spastic and I'm proud!" At least, not if I wanted to avoid being sectioned! So for a while I tried slipping it into conversations at parties:

"Hi my name's Laurence and, in case you're wondering, I am a spastic… what do you do for a living?"

To be honest, this just led to many an awkward silence. I felt I needed to do something more ostentatious and daring. Then I remembered that, growing up, I always dreamt of one day singing in a punk band. Being a rebellious teenager, at the time I was going to call my band 'Spastic Fantastic!' I never quite managed it, probably because I'm not exactly the world's greatest singer.

But instead I've used that name, Spastic Fantastic, as the title of new stand-up show. My personal mission this summer is to attempt to reclaim 'spastic' through the power of stand-up comedy and hidden camera stunts. I reckon my audiences will either be rolling in the aisles or stunned into a perplexed silence. I can't wait to find out which it will be!

•Laurence's new show Spastic Fantastic will be at the Edinburgh Fringe in the Pleasance Courtyard from 30 July to 24 August - see www.laurenceclark.co.uk for more details.