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Disability Bitch vs disease-control clothing

3rd March 2007

Hello. I'm sorry if this is too much information: I sleep naked. But it's cold out, and for the next few months I need to find a way of keeping my spasticated bones warm overnight. Only, I'm a bit scared someone's going to try and harness the power of pyjamas to cure those very crippled limbs.
The power of pyjamas
You see, certain hospitals are trialling special foil-lined nightwear which they hope will combat the spread of MRSA in hospitals and I for one am living in fear. Yes, I HATE DISEASE-CONTROL CLOTHING, and with very good reason.

You might think I'm being unreasonable. First, I'm a Bitch - what do you expect? Second, it's a slippery slope. I mean, only yesterday I went to the doctors complaining of a common cold, and he suggested I wear a headband. Granted, that was because there was snot all over my face and he thought it might help keep my hair out of its way, but what next?

There's already "Blindwear" - if you really wish to be in possession of a baseball cap with a slogan which reads, "I'm blind". It's only a matter of time before someone adapts that to actually restore the gift of sight with every hour you spend with it on your head, looking like a fool.

Plus I'm sure that in Marks and Spencer a while ago, I came across a pair of tights claiming they might improve my circulation. That was interesting, because the circulation in my legs is rubbish. Well, I bought them, and I wore them for a whole year, and you know what? I was still disabled at the end of it.

See, I'm hoping some will come up with anti-spastic underwear soon. Imagine it! A pair of knickers that could cure CP. Pink and lacy, I'm thinking. Maybe crotchless. I think I'll go into business - someone give Heather Mills a call and see if she wants to invest?

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