Ouch's fearsome Bitch eats famous disabled people for breakfast. And then spits them out again. She tackles other controversial disability topics with all the subtlety of a hammer cracking a nut. Don't say we didn't warn you!
Disability Bitch's predictions for 2011
6th January 2011
Less than a week in, and I've had my first fall and earned my first bruise: left knee, own house, argument with suitcase, if you must know. That knee is now such a vivid shade of purple I was going to take a photo and post it on Twitter, but manoeuvring the camera proved to be beyond my dexterity capabilities, so if you want to know what it looks like just throw yourself at speed against your own floorboards.
It's all shaping up to be so achingly predictable where disability is concerned that I've managed to foretell all key events for the next twelve months. I've written them down for you here, in a handy list, so you can tick them off as they happen:
2. Disabled people will moan about disability benefit reform but, unlike the nation's students, will not riot, nor gain anything like the level of publicity experienced when tuition fees were raised. Consequently, disability benefit reform will happen anyway, and very few people without a direct interest in the welfare state will even notice.
3. Despite the above prediction, some well-meaning politician-hating commentators who have comfortable, stable incomes and have never in their life applied for benefit, will make it their business to write about the pending reforms.
During this period of low level bleating, Disabled people will, collectively, be described as being 'among Britain's most vulnerable people'. It's likely we'll also be known as 'the disabled' and - my personal favourite - 'the infirm' for much of 2011.
All politicians of all political persuasions will, at some point this year, state the importance of protecting 'the vulnerable' from the cuts, but all will be vague about how they might achieve that aim, or who qualifies.
The knock on effect is that, at some point, one of the Normals will snap, and there will be a small outcry when they refuse to give up their bus seat for a wobbbly disabled person. "It's political correctness gone mad" the still seated able-bodied fellow will say. Disabled people will hope this incident provokes outrage and that he is as hated as the Cat Bin Lady was in 2010. But it won't, and most people will secretly agree with the Nasty Normal because the austerity culture is making Britain grumpier.
5. If the cashpoint charity giving thing goes ahead, there will also be a news story about some hapless blind bloke who accidentally gives his life savings to charity after pressing the wrong button on the inaccessible ATM machine.
7. Some geezer with no legs and a talent for self-publicity will climb a mountain, or swim the channel, or jump out of a plane, or possibly all three. This person will come up in conversation every time you complain of a disability-related twinge, and the world will ask, "Why can't all disabled people be like that courageous mountain climbing bloke" Disabled people will hate him.
And, that's about it: the year ahead according to me, Disability Bitch. Don't ask me how I know; I just do. Don't question it.. Take this information and use it wisely. Forewarned is forearmed, or so they say.
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