Ouch's fearsome Bitch eats famous disabled people for breakfast. And then spits them out again. She tackles other controversial disability topics with all the subtlety of a hammer cracking a nut. Don't say we didn't warn you!
Disability Bitch makes cuts
5th August 2010
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Readers, all this talk of spending cuts is getting to me. Several weeks ago, the government invited The Public to submit ideas about how to reduce the national deficit. Goodness knows why. I've been saying for ages that I HATE THE PUBLIC and - lo and behold! - there was a bit of an outcry when people made helpful suggestions such as sterilising benefit claimants and throwing poor people in the workhouse. Lovely.
Sadly, most of these excellent ideas are unlikely to change the course of government policy if recent press reports are to be believed.
Being disabled is an expensive business, you know. Ideally, I'd give the whole thing up altogether and become able-bodied. However, it's important to be realistic. The waiting list for this non-existent treatment is quite long. So rather than helping the chancellor by 'simply' getting cured (!), I'm gonna have to think up other ways of pitching in.
1. Reduce usage of mobility aids
There's no real need for the two of us to be out and about at the same time. If he's at the shops buying milk and newspapers, I can stay in and watch Jeremy Kyle, crawling across the floor if I need to fetch anything from the other side of the room. Yes, we're now a one-wheelchair household.
2. Cut spending on prescription medication by 50%
Admittedly there may be an initial increase in the cost of emergency vehicles required to ferry me to A&E but I feel sure that after a time my ravaged body will acclimatise to its new drug-reduced state. I'd hope that eventually I'd be able to give up the chemicals altogether, replacing them with a daily medicinal peppermint tea.
3. Give up taxis
You see, readers, like The Public, I too can have genius money-saving ideas. I feel sure my personal financial crisis will be resolved by 2012 like everything else. Either that or I'll be dead, but once you've got the funeral out of the way, I hear being dead is itself very economical.
(Please note that when Labour get their voice back in September, I'm sure I'll be having things to say about their strategies too. Though if I recall, all parties were keen to put the boot in on disability benefits so who knows what'll happen.)
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