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Disability Bitch hates 'well people'

17th March 2010

• Disability Bitch is published every Thursday on bbc.co.uk/ouch
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Readers, I'm angry. You will read this column and be angry too. See, I've discovered there's a large group of people who are shamelessly wasting NHS resources; resources paid for by, y'know, the British taxpayers. Taxpayers like you and me.
doctor with laptop
For years it's been reported that disabled people are benefit-scrounging scum, drains on national resources, and a general waste of space. Now there's a second group of wasteful individuals who've been outed as an outrageous and unnecessary weight on the public purse. - people who have absolutely nothing wrong with them whatsoever. And now I HATE WELL PEOPLE, these frivolous suckers-dry of essential resources.

See, a new campaign suggests that over one fifth of GP appointments are entirely pointless, made by people who could treat themselves very easily at home, and don't actually need the services of a highly trained medical professional. Readers, these consultations cost an estimated £2 billion a year.
3 medicine capsules
Now, read what you will into the fact that this report has been put together by a company which sells over-the-counter medicine, but their findings have been supported by several senior medics, and don't I always say medical professionals are right about everything?

Fellow cripples, all this time everyone thought it was us wasting money. We've been slurred. Ever since I found out, I sneer when I see these 'well' people. I watch them, sneezing into tissues and looking a bit sorry for themselves, and I say to myself, "I know what you're up to, wasters."

It's all true, too. I've been making appointments with my GP and turning up early just so I can confirm that I am, in fact, the neediest person there. You'll not believe this but there are people who visit my GP even when they can walk properly and don't have brain injuries. I have empirical evidence.

I intend on writing to my MP and getting him to do something about this; I demand change. We all know the NHS was set up to spend money on sickly people - it's our pot of money to waste as we wish. I demand that non-sick people stop using it. Immediately.

MillsWatch

Heather's had an exciting week. Her artificial leg was swabbed for explosives by security before she boarded a flight to the States. I am not particularly surprised, and I doubt she was either, but for some reason this incident - one which happens to disabled people every single day - made the national news. Next week, it will probably be reported that the pope is catholic.

Facebook

Last week I suggested disabled people should sell their body parts for money. My Facebook page was full of people offering their own parts for sale. Some of them were willing to donate quite intimate parts. Before you click on the link and become my Facebook friend, I should probably stress my employers, the BBC, do not support such trades.

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