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Disability Bitch hates 'well people'

17th March 2010

• Disability Bitch is published every Thursday on bbc.co.uk/ouch
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Readers, I'm angry. You will read this column and be angry too. See, I've discovered there's a large group of people who are shamelessly wasting NHS resources; resources paid for by, y'know, the British taxpayers. Taxpayers like you and me.
doctor with laptop
For years it's been reported that disabled people are benefit-scrounging scum, drains on national resources, and a general waste of space. Now there's a second group of wasteful individuals who've been outed as an outrageous and unnecessary weight on the public purse. - people who have absolutely nothing wrong with them whatsoever. And now I HATE WELL PEOPLE, these frivolous suckers-dry of essential resources.

See, a new campaign suggests that over one fifth of GP appointments are entirely pointless, made by people who could treat themselves very easily at home, and don't actually need the services of a highly trained medical professional. Readers, these consultations cost an estimated £2 billion a year.
3 medicine capsules
Now, read what you will into the fact that this report has been put together by a company which sells over-the-counter medicine, but their findings have been supported by several senior medics, and don't I always say medical professionals are right about everything?

Fellow cripples, all this time everyone thought it was us wasting money. We've been slurred. Ever since I found out, I sneer when I see these 'well' people. I watch them, sneezing into tissues and looking a bit sorry for themselves, and I say to myself, "I know what you're up to, wasters."

It's all true, too. I've been making appointments with my GP and turning up early just so I can confirm that I am, in fact, the neediest person there. You'll not believe this but there are people who visit my GP even when they can walk properly and don't have brain injuries. I have empirical evidence.

I intend on writing to my MP and getting him to do something about this; I demand change. We all know the NHS was set up to spend money on sickly people - it's our pot of money to waste as we wish. I demand that non-sick people stop using it. Immediately.


Heather's had an exciting week. Her artificial leg was swabbed for explosives by security before she boarded a flight to the States. I am not particularly surprised, and I doubt she was either, but for some reason this incident - one which happens to disabled people every single day - made the national news. Next week, it will probably be reported that the pope is catholic.


Last week I suggested disabled people should sell their body parts for money. My Facebook page was full of people offering their own parts for sale. Some of them were willing to donate quite intimate parts. Before you click on the link and become my Facebook friend, I should probably stress my employers, the BBC, do not support such trades.


    • 1. At 5:03pm on 18 Mar 2010, batsgirl wrote:

      Alas, you get told off for trying to be a responsible person who *doesn't* go to the doctor for every sniffle, too.

      Shortly pre-dis I had a sore throat. I had paid attention to all the campaigns saying that GPs shouldn't be bothered with coughs and sniffles, so I sucked my over-the-counter lozenges and ignored it.

      A week or so later I had the kind of full-blown tonsillitis where I couldn't swallow any more, and at the insistence of my line manager, I went to the GP. She had a quick look and her first response was "why on earth didn't you come in sooner?!"

      Apparently it wasn't a trick question.

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    • 2. At 11:25pm on 19 Mar 2010, doricgirl wrote:

      Hmm yes I did this, actually I and my GP assumed the breathlessness I had was related to my disability. But it turns out when you have lungs full of bloodclots it's OK to call an ambulance.

      I also had the slightly disbelieving 'You've been walking around like this for two week...!'

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    • 3. At 7:16pm on 22 Mar 2010, McMoggy wrote:

      Huh? Eh? The BBC employ you? Nah!!

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    • 4. At 11:45am on 25 Mar 2010, RoseRodent wrote:

      My GP's system is set up to treat the well for preference. You can only get an "emergency" or "urgent" appointment if you can stand outside the front door for 30 minutes before opening and then sit on their waiting bench for a further minimum half hour waiting for your turn. Frankly if I were that well then I would be at home not wasting my doctor's time! I have suggested (in the form of a complaint letter) a number of times that they might wish to prioritise appointments to patients who are less able to stand about for an hour and they said they have to provide equal access and cannot prioritise disabled and elderly patients. Yes, I am still banging my head on the wall that they think I am asking them to prioritise people who are... well, sick! I am actually only asking them to equalise, but then why shouldn't they prioritise the sick?

      And you don't have to have something urgent to get these appointments, if you are healthy and have time on your hands you can take up one of these instant appointments for verrucas, ear wax, pointless antibiotics for "the flu" or a routine sick note. God forbid that people with severe agonising pain or losing gallons of blood (possibly both in my case!) should perhaps go ahead of the guy with a case of the sniffles.

      They are also responsible for those of us who already wait until death's door before attending being told to go home for 10 days and see if we get better. I don't go *until* I have been sick for 10 days because last time you told me come back in 10 days, I have done my 10 days *already*!!!

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    • 5. At 11:47am on 25 Mar 2010, RoseRodent wrote:

      Of course, my guess is that they will have included my daughter's severe airway obstruction as one of these "coughs and colds" because they misdiagnosed her...

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    • 6. At 11:50am on 25 Mar 2010, RoseRodent wrote:

      Perhaps they might also like to try selling OTC drugs in much larger packets without a thing on the back saying see your GP if you are still having symptoms after 3 days, only for the GP to say come back if you are having symptoms in 2 weeks! Agree, people!

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    • 7. At 10:54pm on 14 Sep 2010, Walks-in-Shadows wrote:

      They don't need to sell OTC drugs in much larger packs when there's more than one pharmacy...

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