Ouch's fearsome Bitch eats famous disabled people for breakfast. And then spits them out again. She tackles other controversial disability topics with all the subtlety of a hammer cracking a nut. Don't say we didn't warn you!
Disability Bitch hates food fascists
4th November 2009
OK, so that's not quite what it says, but some new study suggests that a diet high in processed food increases the risk of depression. Well, isn't that just depressing?
I, for example, am rubbish at standing at a hob, taking trays out of ovens, carrying pans of boiling water, or doing the washing up without collapsing in a small heap. That's almost every healthy meal in the universe out of the question, then.
I am, however, very, very, very good at shovelling doughnuts into my mouth one after the other. These days my multinational supermarket of choice will even deliver them to my door, meaning I don't even have to brave the outside world or stand in long queues to acquire them.
I think it's time someone stood up for convenience food and takes a stand against this ever-growing band of wholefood puritans. Let's analyse this a bit more:
He's not the only one: Jamie Oliver definitely had a series involving homegrown vegetables somewhere along the line, and the less said about Hugh Fearnely-Whittingstall the better. Hugh keeps his own animals, slaughters them, and prepares them for supper. How very accessible!
Thing is, if it's true that everyone who eats more than a modicum of processed food is prone to mental illness, new tactics are required. The government will have to introduce a new allowance for cooking-impaired disabled people. A bog standard PA or carer is no longer enough to keep us in optimum health. No, to eat fresh and keep healthy, each and every one of us will need a gardener to grow our food and a chef to cook it. I hope the government is factoring all that into its benefit reform plans. I can't wait.
Unexpectedly, that incident was not the only piece of disability-related social-networking excitement this week. The world shook when Stephen Fry, everyone's favourite bipolar celebrity, threatened to leave Twitter after a fellow micro-blogger called him 'a bit boring'. They made up and Stephen explained his previous outburst as 'a mood thing'. Personally, I think the world would be a better place if disabled celebrities were disabled in public more often.
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