Disability Bitch hates being offended

29th October 2009

Readers, this column could be my last. I'm living in fear. After all, I make my living mocking disabled people and this week it's come to my attention that making jokes about the handicapable is bad and offensive and wrong and should not happen. At least, comedian Jimmy Carr is in trouble for making a joke involving disabled soldiers.

So we're clear, what he said was, "Say what you like about the servicemen amputees from Iraq and Afghanistan, but we are going to have a [very] good Paralympics team in 2012". To be clearer, that's not exactly what he said, his original joke contained a naughty word and I've replaced it with something a little more sedate. After all, most of you are disabled and it would be wrong to cause you offence in any way at all.

Offending disabled people is bad, that's what I've learnt this week.

See, much of the tabloid press and several politicians have branded Jimmy's joke offensive. They've chosen to take that offence on behalf of several groups at once, including but probably not limited to:

British troops currently stationed in the Middle East, the armed forces generally, injured veterans, their families, Paralympians and all disabled people not otherwise included in that list. Really? Oh My! For his part, Jimmy has apologised and promised to raise money for injured troops, apparently.

Am I offended? You bet. Thing is, Jimmy Carr himself is not the subject of my wrath. No, I HATE BEING OFFENDED, but stand up comedians don't worry me. Instead, I find it quite offensive when other people assume I am going to be offended by something that is not actually particularly offensive in the grand scheme of things. You follow?

Let's put this into perspective: I don't think there is anything particularly funny about young men and women becoming disabled as a result of warfare, but I don't think Jimmy Carr thinks that either.

He delivered a slightly edgy one liner in front of a few thousand people who paid to see his show. It's a safe bet they weren't expecting Blue Peter. He's definitely not the first comedian to make jokes about disabled people, he won't be the last, and – whether or not those jokes are funny – what comedians say as part of their acts has little direct impact on me. So no, personally, I'm not offended, thanks.

If I'm honest, I'm not entirely sure what other disabled people think, mainly because I haven't seen many of them quoted in the articles which are so outraged on our behalf. Strange that the voice of disabled people should be so absent in this discussion. To redress the balance, I thought I'd let the world know that many things do offend me down to my little crippled soul, but comedians rarely make the list.

For future reference, here’s a brief summary of things which have made my blood boil in recent times: the endless accusations that disabled benefit claimants are lazy scroungers; the eight months I had to wait for a referral to a decent specialist because the NHS has too few resources; the random bloke who shouted 'spastic' at me when I was walking home from a night out; the taxi driver who didn't want me in his car because he couldn't be bothered to get his step out and the restaurant who didn’t want my custom because I was with a blind friend and his guide dog.

Then there was the time I wet myself at a concert because some selfish Normal Person had decided it would be a good idea to use the disabled loo and then locked herself in by accident, leaving me with nowhere to go, quite literally (true story); the potential employer who invited me to interview then decided he didn't want to talk to me after all on discovering that I was a cripple.

Those things, readers, those things are all deeply offensive to me, and most of them are illegal. All of them are avoidable and have a direct negative impact on my life as a disabled person. Discrimination, as the cool kids call it. Now, if the world at large decided to take up arms against these things as they have done against a hapless comedian making a bad taste joke, I would be delighted. We can but dream, readers. We can but dream.

MillsWatch

I admit it. I actually started to hyperventilate with joy when I saw photos of Heather Mills learning to ice skate at a rink near her Sussex home, trouser leg rolled up to reveal her prosthetic limb.

It brings the rumours she’s set to star in celebrity reality show Dancing on Ice a little closer. I would say something mean about the padding stuffed down her trousers, but I'm saving all my Bitchin' for when she finally pirouettes onto our screens. I. Cannot. Wait.

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This week, my virtual pals have been mainly poking fun at disabled mountain climbers and ice skating vegans. If you’ve got nothing better to do with your life than laugh at others' misfortune, join me here.

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